How Everything Changed One Dark Night

The Morning After

Last Saturday was not a dark and stormy night. It was however dark. Like all nights during the holy month, people we're celebrating iftar, the breaking of the day long fast. Iftar is a time of solidarity, friendship and family, a thanksgiving sized dinner every evening during Ramadan. Unfortunately, last Saturday night Islamabad was shaken up literally and figuratively and iftar ended tragically for hundreds of devoted Muslims.

The gravity of the Marriott bombing is lost on many people. It was Pakistan's largest domestic act of terrorism coming after the recent installment of a new president. Some called it the Pakistani 9/11. Around 60 people were killed including the Czech ambassador and at least 6 other expatriates. Over 260 people were injured, 90% of these being Pakistani. These were guards, drivers, waiters, and other everyday people. Islamabad has formally been known as a bubble protected from Pakistan's internal chaos where life carried on quite normally. In one evening, that bubble was burst revealing no place is immune from terrorism.

Saturday night, the city of Islamabad shook violently. My house shook during the deafening blast and we evacuated in fear of an earthquake. Windows were shattered for blocks. Smoke rose into the cloudy night. The city hibernated in response. Expats with organizations both diplomatic and humanitarian were advised to avoid public places including restaurants and stores. It was a time of uncertainty. People frantically attempted to contact friends and family. It's a time where you feel everything is slipping away.

Living through a bombing revealed a truth that I've known for a long time. When these events happen, we must know what we believe. We must have a foundation to hold onto when the rug is pulled out from underneath us. This is true across all cultures and in all countries. Where do you turn in tragedy? What remains constant in life? What remains constant in death? These are questions we answer in the quietness of our hearts, and the smoke of a shattered and fearful city.

How to Express University Attendance

You’ll hear a broad vocabulary when I discuss my pursuit of higher education and it’s not a desire to be confusing (my life is confusing, let's keep my education simple, thank you). Pursuing a degree through the American system living in nations using other systems means spending a significant amount of my life explaining my life. This is a rare problem as higher education is normally completed in one's home nation. My online university "attendance" has spanned a record 4 countries including the USA, and that my friend, has been during one academic year. This naturally excludes three holidays in three more countries during said academic year.

Like all cultures, Americans have certain assumptions regarding university. If I said, "I'm a junior," to an American, he would make a mental link to a previous reference where he encountered such an occurrence and assume that I am working on my third year of school enrolled in an establishment offering a four year degree. If I said, "I'm a junior" to a Brit, he would either scratch his head or say something tacky like "oh that's nice," because my statement does not fit into his paradigm. This, in a nutshell, is what constitutes culture and this in a nutshell is where I confuse people.

"I'm working on my studies."- I would say this to a Frenchman (or woman). In French we often refer to our college education as "studies" ("les etudes") because "studies" go on eternally. I’ve yet to formally understand the system. Regardless, students simply engage in "studies." “College” is the French word for high school and you obviously want people to think you're slightly more advanced so avoid that term.

"This is my second year of uni."- I would say this to a Brit or an Aussi. In the UK, a BA degree is less broad then in the American system reducing uni to three years. You can be a freshman ("fresher"), a middle year student ("middle-ist"), or a final year student ("finalist"). I learned the term "uni" from an Aussi friend who made it sound very appealing. The Aussis are normal like Americans and spend 4 years on uni.

"I'm in varsity."- I would say this in South Africa. "Down south" we go to "varsity." This does not imply you play sports. You do constantly hope for "hols" (holidays) because "hols" are "lakkar" (great). The South African university system follows the calendar year so "high school leavers" finish in December and begin "varsity" in January/February with periodic months off throughout the year. Despite the difference in schedule, a degree spans four years.

"I'm in DLP."- I would say this if I ran into another Liberty University student. DLP (Distance Learning Program) means you're an online student and pursuing your degree from bizarre places. Okay, I made up the part about bizarre places.

"I'm a sophomore in college."- In the USA, college and university are synonymous. College traditionally indicated a two year degree establishment but the difference has dissipated and concept of "college kid" is culturally desirable. We label students as freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors reflecting their process towards the average 4 year degree. The American university introduced the concept of the AA (Associates of Arts).

"Would you like clarification regarding my education?"- This is a statement I could make to people of all nationality and cultures who find my education....um....shall we say....unorthodox. But what can I say? People often think expats are bizarre.

How to Buy a Carpet

In Southern Asia, carpets are famous. They've been coveted for centuries, made it on the backs of camels to Western Civilization where they slept on the floors of wealthy Europeans for centuries more.

In Pakistan, carpets are the rage. Houses are huge and a carpet can serve as a wall decoration or warm a marble floor. We learned after coming here, there are many different types of carpets. Iranian carpets are the best and most expensive. Their designs are classic, which leads to copy-cat Home Depot version so the flip side to purchasing Iranian is that people think you got it on sale at Wal-Mart or Ikea. Of course, that's not a problem in Pakistan where those stores do not exist.

Pakistani carpets are not considered highly desirable because the local wool is coarser and therefore the carpets are not as soft. Carpets can be made from wool (basic) or silk (most expensive) or a combination of the two. Silk ones have their own special shine and even a marginal silk combination mixed with wool appear to change the colors of the carpets depending on the lighting.

My favorite carpets are from Afghanistan. These boast a unique shade of maroon/red indigenous to the region. The best carpets are those the most tightly woven. This is expressed in knots, you want a carpet with as many knots as possible because that means there's more cushion in the carpet.

It's very easy to spend hundreds of dollars on carpets, so know what you want, and how much you want to pay.

How to do Hard Things

Over the summer, I listened to "Do Hard Things" on a road trip. It's a book by teens for teens (okay I'm a little old) encouraging them to discard low expectations and reach higher. Why just scrape by, actually excel. Don't be lazy, do something really hard because the experiences will enrich your life.

Living overseas means doing a lot of hard things. Looking at some of my overseas experiences the past 10 years, I marvel at the enormity of the difficulties and the size of the rewards. This is true of people living in their home nations as well, nothing is easy. Still, it's one thing to be in a hard situation. It's another to choose to do hard things in that hard situation.

Here are two hard things an overseas dweller can do to enrich their experience. These are tried and tested suggestions I can promise anyone have 100% returns.

1) Meet the culture. This is hard (obviously, that's today's theme). It's easy to get in a clique with people from your own country and never experience the culture of the nation you live in. Step out, try the food, the language, the clothes. Go beyond being simply culturally senstive and learn about where you live.

2) Meet other expats. You'll get lonely sooner or later so you'll turn to people from your own nation. Look around you! The South African lady is brilliant, that Aussi might enjoy tea with you, that bizarre American family with 5 kids is loud but their cool. Don't hang out only with people from your own country. Enjoy the diverse international crowd, meet someone different who you have nothing in common with and make a friend.

3) Pick one thing that sounds hard and is outside your comfort zone, and do it. It's your choice, something that scares you, that you wouldn't normally try, and do it. Why not?

I'm working on hard things this fall as well. 1) Create acceptable study habits to promote the chance of more As on exams. 2) Learn how to run a soundboard. 3) Eat every bizarre Pakistani dish that exists.

Don't scrape by, do something hard. If you made the effort to go overseas, make the effort to take it to the next level.