How to Survive Brothers who don't want a haircut

The tools of Torture

Strap them to a chair and say "this is how it's going to be." That would be the my-way-or-the-high-way approach.

In our family, a haircut has significance. In the normal spectrum of life, certain things must occur to insure that the passage of time has not negatively affected one's appearance. This for little brothers means a haircut.

After 6 months in Kenya in 2001, my brother received some "interesting" (disastrous) haircuts. Once we took them to another barber shop to correct the haircut another barber had incurred. African hair is different from Caucasian hair, this the heart of the problem. After 6 months we bought our own kit of torture and commenced to inflict haircuts to family members. Originally, the process was fairly painless but as Christian, Caleb and Ezra grow older, they start to have opinions about what they want to look like and the simple take-a-little-off rule is nullified.

The first trick for a haircut is to get them in the chair. This means pleading, bribing, promising, threatening if they don't sit down, be prepared to spend a lot of time on that. Secondly, the speech:

"I know you don't want to but I'm going to do it so sit still or you'll be here all day! Oh gosh don't cry, it's not worth it!"

When you're done, they're happy it's over, you're happy it's over and you grab one of them to sweep all the hair into the bushes. It's a task worth doing.

How to reenter Your Own Culture

The reason I'd write about reentry is because...I don't understand it. I should because I've been doing it going on 10 years but I still have no idea how to handle it! It hits you differently each time because each time you leave, you experience something different overseas and that affects how you view your own culture. It was different reentering from France then it was a year ago reentering from Ethiopia.

This time it was a little more challenging for several reasons, mainly because after a year putting a huge effort into speaking French, understanding the French culture and trying very much to be French and blend into the French culture, to suddenly step off a plane and hear everyone yelling in loud American English was odd, shocking, bizarre and confusing. Wait a minute! I don't have to struggle to express myself! I can just speak what comes to mind without worrying where the adjective and pronouns fit into my sentences!
All that goes to say, in my African expat communities, we know we can't fit in. It's just not possible and as a result, we build our little third cultures and create our own entities. In Europe you look like them, live a developed lifestyle like them and after learning the language, appear to be them. No one knows the difference riding the metro to work!

There are several different things I do reentering my American home that make it feel normal again.

1) Sleep a lot when you get back. Jet-leg will keep you in an over-emotional, irrational, hyper-sensitive state where you think the world is crashing upon you, no one cares about you and overseas living has ruined you for life. Just get on the right time zone before questioning your existence.

2) Take several long walks. Talk to yourself, philosophize to yourself, pray out loud, write books out loud, sort out what you enjoyed most about your overseas experience. It helps.

3) Make two lists. One about the things you have to be grateful for. Seriously, you are so blessed to just be alive to be able to return home for good or for a a short period of time. The second is a list of things you like about living overseas, things you've learned, and things you've enjoyed. If it's the end of an overseas experience like France for me, it helps bring closure and a sense of joy and delight about the time spent there.

4) Don't judge. Even though people move on, culture shifts, places look different, don't judge it instantly as negative. Just decide it's different and work out later if it's positive or negative.

5) Never never never give in. Just hang in there. Mr. Churchill said it and did it. So can we.