How to Attend a Demolition Derby

Welcome to the County Fair!

Just when you think you've defined "Americana." As if that was even possible in such a big country. Being in America affords many interesting, interesting experiences and the demolition derby is surely one of the most interesting of the many interesting American experiences.

1) You must expect to be deaf. The demolition derby is rough on the ears. You will lose you hearing and you will wish you lost your hearing to your favorite band's concert, not because eight cars were raving in the mud. At the beginning, the sound will give you a migraine but towards the end when there are only a few left battling it out, it's bearable.

2) You must sit back in the bleachers. The cars are lined up in a mud pit and after the crowd countdown, they attack each other. I questioned the mud before I realized the velocity would have otherwise been dangerous to these remarkable pieces of car-art. The mud goes flying.

 3) You must realize, it's entertainment. Basically, it's a bunch of gloriously painted old cars smashing each other up until one is left standing. We start with little trucks, then bigger trucks, then little cars, bigger cars, and finally, the giant clunkers which are all solid mental and fail to dent. These cars are then refirbished and they do it again, and again....and again...

It's a priceless experience. You'll realize how wonderfully diverse this country is. It's just....awesome.