I had four completely different yet memorable college living experiences. First, I lived in a suite on a freshmen girls hall. I had my own room and while the girls on my hall had a great time doing fresher activities, I was struggling through my senior level courses and American culture shock. I don't remember much because I was either sleeping or studying. Not my finest moments.
Second, I lived in an apartment. I was going to get straight As that semester. My beloved non-perfectionist housemates were going to have fun. Nothing was ever clean, I did most grocery shopping, we have people over till 3am three nights a week. I chilled out, I had fun, I made it work, and I got my only B that semester.
Third, I lived in an co-ed "intentional community" with nine other people. My mother called it a commune which is a fair assessment...except that we were good Mennonite kids (except one Catholic) so nothing sketchy went down...not including some sketchy meals. That was the hardest semester academically, but it was almost the most fun; watching Winter Olympics, group dinners, board games, lots and lots of guests, and getting to know people very different from myself.
Fourth, I lived in another group house with 13 other people in Washington DC. I should say I ate and slept at that house. I was rarely there between my 30-hour-per-week internship, my beloved road bikes and friends in the city. It wasn't a bad semester, but 14 people is a lot, especially when unlike my previous house, people had vastly different living standards and preferences. So...when in stress...leave....it works.
I found common themes in all my living situations worth remembering because...well...the sky is the limit and who knows who I'll be living next. First, you have to decide what's most important. The dishes washed, the trash taken out, the bathroom cleaned, the floors swept, the compost composted...it's all important but even when the chores are delegated, they don't all get done and you can't do them all. So I picked what matter most to me, and I did it myself. The same applies with housemate behavior, and you make your mental list of non-negotables as small as possible to preserve your sanity. And this is coming from a borderline OCD clean freak.
Second, you have to label your food. Enough said, enough sad corresponding stories.
Third, if you don't feel comfortable, leave. My mini-communities only lasted a semester and when I didn't feel comfortable, I would visit friends or find other places to study. If some of these situations had lasted longer then three months, I would have had to leave. You decide each time if it's worth building bridges, burning bridges...or ignoring bridges.
Fourth, diversity has mixed value. It seems like a fine, noble and progressive idea and we all hope to have diverse friends. Yet it doesn't always work in housing community. It's better to live with people similar to you; similar values, similar hygiene preferences, and similar sleeping hours. It just makes things so much less stressful, and then invite the diverse people over.
Community is kind of a vague term. I did find it. And when I found it, it was glorious. When I didn't...well...you learn to find joy elsewhere.
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