How I Visited Pennsylvania

You can build you're entire life around a global nomad identity and still not have all the answers. I'm still asking myself, can you prepare to go overseas? You can't prepare to be a global nomad. That you just have to deal with because it will hit you like a Pakistani lorry when you actually are one. If you chose to be a global nomad, you aren't a global nomad because you can't predict it and global nomad implies a sense of...well...hmm...confusion? But can you prepare to leave one place for another? Technically, this is one of my easier transitions. I've finished college. My family returned homes in Sudan. My sister is in uni. It's time for the new. But can you prepare to go overseas?

I'm in Akron Pennsylvainia for training for my life and position overseas. I sit through meetings, I meet other people going overseas, and my eyes glaze over with something between fear and exhaustion. We talk about peace and service, and organization leadership, who does what job, and how we're all going to make the world a better place. We're all wrapping up loose ends back home. We're supposedly preparing to go overseas. But do two weeks of meetings prepare you for life overseas, or do they just give you questions to ponder?

I don't know if you can prepare to go overseas. You can read. You can get shots. You can buy Keens and pack a years worth of make-up and migraine meds. You can look at google maps. You can talk to people. You can even visit Pennsylvania. But nothing will ever take away that overwhelming, numbing, joy mixed with confusion during the over-stimulation panic you feel when you finally walk off the plane into a typically very ugly and concrete airport. You can't predict that. You'll have no framework to hold the information which you'll encounter so you'll have to build one, perhaps using tools from former lives but no two frameworks will ever be identical. I've given up on expections because no matter what I expect, I never expect the right thing. I've tried over and over again and after scientifically concluding I'm horrific with predictions, I decided I'll just wing it.

I'm not prepared. I can't be prepared. I've gone to uni and have peacebuilding tools. I've lived overseas and have global nomad tools. I've said my goodbyes to the people I love most and still wish they weren't so far away. I even visited Pennsylvania! What more can I do? That's why...I'm...just...going...off the diving board...