I think you must be getting old when you don't care much for birthdays. I'm not even that old, but apparently I'll be old very soon. I've learned I can live a very well-adjusted life nearly anywhere. I wake up, find the sunshine or breath in the rain, and proceed to live my life as a series of days filled with good people, good food and good reflection.
Except then there are holidays. That's when I want to be with people I love, and sometimes that's all I can think about. I value so many precious people, scattered across the world who I so rarely see. I think about where I was the previous holiday, and how things have so drastically changed and nostalgia morphs into self-pity. Sometimes I fall into good holidays, but that always hugely unplanned. I try very hard to ignore holidays, and when that fails, I try very hard to be apathetic, and then I decide to just have a lousy day, just that one day. Everyone else gives Christmas, Thanksgiving and birthdays positive connotation but I've attached mixed meanings.
I haven't fully learned how to have good holidays overseas. Now I'm on a solo adventure I'll have to create my own traditions and make new meanings. Perhaps one day I'll be able to turn holiday sadness into a matter of bullet points when I have the answers. Realistically, I can't expect to have answers when I've lived a mere quarter of the average life-expectancy for North American women. And perhaps putting it in perspective, if I can live more or less content except for a handful of holidays, that's not so bad. Wednesday was a challenge. Thursday was good...and Friday...and Saturday...and even Sunday...so if anything, we can count our blessings. I'd rather have good days, and the occasional day in solitary reflection.
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