This Post is for Cambodia Year One

It's a terribly odd thing to realize that I've spent the whole of 12 months in Cambodia. It's been fast, it's been slow, it's been something of a rocky moto ride...the moto has stalled out repeatedly...and crashed...[end of metaphor]. I'm now the kid one year out of college and while I know lessons have poured on me like a Cambodian thunderstorm, it's impossible to even label all these lessons much less apply them. However, as I conclude Year One in the Kingdom of Wonder, I'm trying to solidify some of the key messages I've heard.

It's okay to consider rain: It's alright not showing up for meetings if it's pouring rain. However, you must text or call beforehand. There are standards.

Little Can Be Planned: Meeting re-schedules several time, last-minute fixes to every conceivable problem, waiting on tuk tuk drivers, waiting on reports... Flexibility defines our lives, and flexibly must define us.

Lovely People/Strange Culture: I can't quite wrap my head around some cultural norms here. Why do men have to marry women a minimum of five years younger? Why must you have children your first year of marriage? Why is everyone so polite and friendly, except when driving? How can you be content living in a hierarchical social structure? Why do I have to allow people to save face when there are heinous mistakes involved? I've been amazed how pleasant and friendly people are, given decades of chaos and social instability. I love Cambodians, but I'm continually baffled because the culture is so drastically different from mine.

Noise is relative: If you have a party, you must have a PA system blasting the neighborhood with anything from traditional folk songs to Justin Beiber to Jay-Lo until midnight. You are entitled this right, the same way Americans are entitled to "the pursuit of happiness." And when your neighbor had a wedding or funeral or party and returns the favor, you are required to tolerate it..."today it's me, tomorrow my neighbor..."

Paranoia is real: There is fear of going out late because in the '90s there was so much crime (now, there's very little). There's fear of questioning authority...because you just can't. There is fear of ghosts...because they bring death and destruction. Finally, there is fear of talking about the past, because there was so much death and violence...and culturally you can't talk about your mistakes. So tragically, we are bound and gagged by the fears that we ourselves create which prevent us from moving forward and breaking cycles of violence.

Corruption is Real: I have mentioned this before, Cambodia is 154 in the Transparency International Corruption Perception Index. For many, this is simply how it's done and no one gives it a second thought. For others, like me, I still grow upset. Some call it an alternative way of paying taxes. It's painful know it's real. It's painful people are thrown off their land because they don't have current title deeds, and painful that hundreds of hectors of "protected forests" are destroyed because officials are paid off.

Any Question Goes: How much do you weight? How old are you? Why aren't you married? How much is your rent? How much was your moto? What's your salary? In a world where manners matter, saving face is crucial and heaven forbid we end up alone and don't know why, the above questions are exceedingly normal. And when someone rubbed my stomach after lunch and told me it was very nice, it was also perfectly normal.

Growing up is hard: Growing up means learning how to live, pay your bills, build a resume, budgeting,  and balancing work and personal. These are all lessons which I'm learning, and I'm learning them here. It's been a relatively smooth transition, but there have been bumps on the road. I'm still learning how to manage expectations and how to cook better...

Cambodia hasn't been what I expected. I'm not doing the job I was "hired" to do, but I've learned to love pieces of life anyway. There are daily struggles and self-doubts which don't go away. Is this the best way to do development? Are we really building capacity? Do any of us belong here? Are we avoiding systemic injustice because it's not "easy?" Am I personally doing enough to warrant being here? I didn't expect to ask these questions so often. I can't fix Cambodia. I can't fix my organization. I can't fix my partners. I question if I can even fix myself.

Which is why I've concluded that this is about learning. This is just about learning. That was the main purpose of the 12 months between October 2010 and October 2011 and it will define October 2011 through October 2012. I try to soak up everything and seize every opportunity to learn. Because that's all you can do, listen and learn. As my dearest friend Kaylee tells me, "if you're not learning, you're not living."