How to Attend a Khmer Wedding [Take Two]

Amara and Marti's wedding in Kratie

It took effort in my December 2011 post to conceal my disappointment with Khmer weddings. I was under-whelmed with the whiskey and Angkor, the fake eye-lashes, and the inability to speak to other people at one's table thanks to the incredibly loud music. My second attempt was far more enjoyable. This was due to one factor alone. I went with people I knew, and I knew the bride more closely, Amara.

One should never attend weddings alone which is probably a universal truth. Never has this been more true then when in a foreign context (which is where I have a majority of my wedding attendance experience). While I completely support self-sufficiency and independence, weddings alone are awkward.

My second wedding was in Kratie (Kratie is explore in another post). There were several other variables which made this attempt significantly better then the first.

• Provincial. In Phnom Penh, there are two options for weddings. First, set up a tent on the street in front of your house and block traffic. Second, rent a wedding hall. There are an abundance of wedding halls. Typically one hall can host/cater several weddings at once, with partitions between the weddings and the guests entering through doors A, B, or C, respectively. One delightful element of Amara's wedding was that it was at her childhood home, and the tent was at her family's property. This added a personal touch. 
• Colorful Outfits. We counted eight outfit changes for Amara. A full wedding goes all day; the fruit parade to the bride's house, the hair cutting ceremony, (a few more other ceremonies I don't know about) and then the evening party. The bride and groom as expected to change somewhere between six and 12 times over the day, each time a colorful outfit perfectly coordinated from the earrings down to the shoes, matching their new spouse.
• Tasty Food: I've only heard terrible things about wedding food. I was completely surprised to leave completely full; banah leaf salad, BBQ beef (with actual meat on the bones), and a lovely roasted fish were among the most memorable. Our "desert" was mint chewing gum. (That might also just be a province thing.)
• Finished Early. Another benefit of a provincial wedding is that by 9:30pm, it's about over! The dancing had finished, the guests were trickling out, and we eventually left and had our own after-party.
• Friends. As mentioned early, don't go to a wedding alone. Because sitting a table with people you know, and dancing to Khmer music with people you know, and watching the sparkly outfits with people you know, is just so much better.

I will allow myself one criticism on Khmer weddings. They are nearly all exactly the same. The same rituals are conducted, the same color scheme is used for every tent, the same fancy outfits are worn, the same "wedding food" is served, and the same 300-400 people party. There is no variation, no room for creativity, no option to have less then 300/400 people. Perhaps it's very Western of me, suggesting that the exercise of individuality risk breaking social norms, but part of my motivation for questioning this norm is the vicious wedding financial cycle. People often lay out way over $10,000 per wedding which might not sound like much, but the per capita income in Cambodia is $615. Financing these weddings is a massive financial stress. Often, people don't get married because their families cannot finance the wedding. People hope they make back that amount when each guest brings the socially mandated $20, but it's a huge gamble. If it rains and people don't come, you'll never crawl out of that financial hole.

But this is how it is. This is what's expected of you. In some strange way, the security of a predetermined script allows you to save face. You don't have to be unique. It's all be decided for you. No one will think less on you or your family if you do it the right way. You just have to figure out how to pay for it.