It's been a while since I reflected on life overseas. A much needed sabbatical from life overseas was needed. I came to a place where I desperately needed to see beautiful things. I needed to see trees, parks, flowers, and grass. I needed to see tall pine trees. I needed to see hills. I needed to stand in the middle of a large open space and know that no one else was there, except me. In short, I'm told there is beauty in Cambodia, but I can't see it.
I also needed to see people, mainly family and friends. There was a perfect way to remedy this...return to my country of origin for three weeks.
I planned this trip for almost seven months. I wondered quite seriously what would be the most surprising or startling after being away for almost two years. I spent a lot of time wondering if I would feel strange, or if I would want to go back to Cambodia. I wondered how relationships would have changed.
What was most surprising was the feeling that I'd never left. It wasn't strange to be on paved roads. My clothes were still in my closet in my parents house. People still knew who I was...or who I'm related/connected to. It was almost a whole different world, yet also a world in which I also belonged. It is as if there are two worlds, parallel universes coexisting independently, where I fit quite well yet separated by days of travel. It's the strangest feeling! I don't know if I'll ever understand that oddity.
There were several things which are most memorable about my much-needed North American break.
English: I really like speaking English. I love when my humor is understood! I love when I can make small talk with people outside changing rooms or with the check-out clerk. I love the feeling of forming a small bond with someone through our mutual language.
Bike Rides: I knew going into my trip that there would be bikes involved. I also knew I was out of shape (Cambodia discourages all exercise). Thankfully though, I did manage to surpass my expectations of physical limitations and completely enjoyed myself. My beloved Fuji road bike and I were reunited and we still fit together perfectly. It was a delight to experience one of my favorite cities, Washington DC, once again on their wonderful trails, on a bike.
Trees/Sidewalks: Americans are right to reserve sidewalks for walking, and not for moto parking lots. It's also really nice to line them with trees. It's nice that people plant flowers outside their homes for pedestrians like me to enjoy. It's nice that they go past parks with playgrounds. Sidewalks are so amazing.
Landscape: Though I rarely claim to be a New Yorker, I've recently reconsidered that perhaps I actually am. I love the hills and the dense pockets of pine trees. I love places like the Adirondacks, and all the little lakes. It's all so beautiful and living without it does suddenly feel far less attractive. Similarly, there's hardly any trash in the rural American landscapes. This is extremely and supremely important to me. This is why I can't ever love Asia.
Climate: Even though it was hot at times, my hair looks good at the end of the day, I don't need to take three showers everyday, and people run AC when it's unnecessary!
Food: I'm not a fan of food in the United States. Everything is just too sweet! But I enjoyed bagels, flavored ice cream, breakfast cereal, and tasty coffee. Even if you only have these things once every two years.
Relationships with people have shifted. Some are unaltered, but most have shifted, growing closer with some and farther away from others. I found myself strengthened by many people who I value and this was also much needed. I also found that returning to the States as an adult international aid worker instead of as the child of an aid worker is slightly different. Now, I have to explain my work myself, I must make intelligent insightful conversation regarding my life overseas, I plan my days/travels myself, and I've lost the ability to "borrow" my brother's suitcase space. Most memorable, I felt like I had something to return to, my job and my friends, a foreign location that I choose myself and me only.
It was hard returning. I love my little life in Cambodia. I have a million things I'm thankful for. I have a wonderful set of friends and colleagues and all the delicious food I could hope for. Yet Cambodia is so very far away from the States. I rarely see family or dear people or hiking trails free from litter. Somehow you learn to push the sadness aside and live your richly blessed life, your other parallel universe where you also fit nicely. Some things in life will never be easy.
For now, my soul absorbed beauty and I will live off the emotional high of bike rides, bagels and paved roads.
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