How People Leave

The time we go on holidays together.

I often found myself using the metaphor of "merry-go-rounds" or carousels. I used this metaphor regularly back in 2008 and I still use it today. Funny thing is, I never much went to amusement parks or rode the rides. But there is something about the carousel that routinely and perfectly captures the moment. Such as the moment right now of farewells. 

The hardest part of living overseas is the goodbyes. A massive blessing in this life if the easy ability to form very meaningful friendships very quickly. I've made lasting and rich friendships with the most unexpected people within weeks or months. But then, people leave. When you're already flying solo without your family, it can sting more than expected.

Cambodia has been a beautiful and positive experience for me almost solely because of the people I've met. I like Cambodia itself, but I love the people I've met here who took an "interesting experience" and made it fantastic. There is nothing that makes you feel more at home than to text people on a week night and plan an impromptu activity. There is nothing quite so special as your weekly book clubs, monthly breakfast clubs, oddly themed birthday parties, game night marathons, musical themed evenings with accompanying films, and a never ending lunches. There are the joys of planning a holiday, and the even greater joys of going on the holidays. 

I have so many people to appreciate I don't know where to begin. I can only say thank you. Thanks for listening to me when I was upset, for loyalties in changing situations, and for letting me into your own fascinating world. 

My social world has been slowing falling apart for some time now. The people I like are slowly trickling out, one at a time. It can be an emotional wreck as you spend time with people; knowing they are leaving soon and knowing you won't see them in a while builds the pressure to make every moment meaningful. Than they go. And you wake up, wish they were around, and somehow just keep swimming. I've done this many times already for Cambodia, and will continue to do it as people trickle out.

I think I like merry-go-rounds because they are nonlinear. Though I'm a largely logical rational person who likes moving from Point-A to Point-B, our world is neither rational nor organized. Especially with relationships, things rarely move in stright linear lines but that's what can make them so fantastic. I will see Cambodia people again because the world is small and I'm hopeful. But for now, it's a little sad not to have them in my day-to-day life.

"On this broken merry go 'round and 'round and 'round we go

Where it stops nobody knows and it ain't slowin' down.

This merry go 'round." -KM

How Cambodia Changes your Behavior

Cambodia in an anomaly in my overseas dwelling repertoire for multiple reasons, one of which is that I've been here so long compared with other former homes. Three years feels long some days. Other days it seems like I just moved here. But I have noticed some slight changes in my behaviors which I attribute to living here for multiple years. Humans are known to be incredibly adaptive.  

• Comfortable talking about weight and money. These are not social taboos. I often receive comments on my size. I have also learned that I can throw those questions right back, "how many kilos are you?" Probably 75% of people in my social networks know how much my apartment costs per month. I also ask them how much their apartment (or house) cost. It's likely I will continue making comments about weight and cost without realizing this is rude.
• Comfortable shoving people if they shove me first. When I go to the market, people shove me. The spaces are small and people want to get around you. Shoving is not offensive. At the beginning, I would get so angry I would leave markets as an act of protest. Later I realized that if I need to get through a tightly blocked space, I can push people aside as well. Now I do this, not with rage, but because I will never get through the market otherwise. Hopefully in my next residence no one comes close enough that I need to shove them. If this does happen, I will try and remember not to push. 
• Comfortable wearing flip flops to every imaginable event (especially the same pair). Before I moved here, I bought several pairs of shoes for work, including an adorable pair of plum purple loafers. I was going for the young professional vibe. Instead, I found most Cambodians wears flip flops (at least in my NGO circles). Given the streets are dirty, flooded, and the sewer backwash, this makes sense (actually gum boots make the most sense). Cambodians love the flip flop and the slide-on. In the future, if I wear flip-flops to work, you must forgive me.
• Comfortable taking shoes off when entering homes, shops, and places of work. I instinctively take off my flip-flops. In fact, I developed a phobia of bacteria carried by shoes and wash my feet immediately after coming home. This I do not expect to change. I will continue to take off my shoes at your home, though with persuasion, will leave them on at your workplace. 
• Comfortable eating rice several times a day. People warned me I would grow weary of rice. It hasn't happened yet. I will expect people to continue preparing rice for me. I will be preparing it for you.
• Comfortable asking people if they ate when first meeting them. It's a strange little quirk here. "Hello! Are you well and happy? Yes I'm well and happy. Have you eaten yet?" It's a perfectly normal social greeting, in the normal categories with "Has your home flooded this year? How are the kids? How's the partner? Have you eaten yet?" I may find myself asking you this question when we meet at the supermarket.
• Comfortable asking people if they are married and the number of children. Cambodians are quick to establish where you fall with this specific interaction ritual. Your marital status is of great importance as well as your number of offspring. I've learned that a normal encounter with a new person will inquire into their marital status, their plans for marriage, and/or their current number of children. Do not be offended if I ask this of you (I put my own Western/feminist spin on it).
• Comfortable discussing my own plans for marriage and children with complete strangers. When I plan to get married is a very routine question. (These things are very scheduled here, I jest not). For efficiency, I answer. "Maybe next year. Definitely in the next five years." It's better to give a time than explain the question is rude, and frankly I don't find it rude anymore. Also, within five years is the most truthfully logical answer and I'll go on the public record with that answer. 
• Comfortable distrusting the police and pretty much all authority figures. I've learned the police are not to be trusted and will almost always make situations worse. I've learned the government is unreliable and self-serving. I've seen good local leaders and dishonest local leaders. At the end of the day, Cambodia has taught me to mistrust almost all authority figures. It will be hard to reform my opinions in this regard.
• Comfortable saying "is it possible?" "bann tee?" or "not possible" "aut bann tee." I love these two Khmer phrases. They are used so often. When I ask for something and I receive a look of confusion, I'll ask for confirmation, "is it possible?" The answer will some back, "possible" or "not possible." (It's always "not possible" never "impossible," a little word play that never ceases to amuse me.) So when you give me a funny look after I ask you to go to Target and get me a dongle and some new trackies I will ask you "bann tee?" Just so you know the correct answer is "it's possible."
• Comfortable in PJs in public. Cambodians often wear pajamas in public. They are modest two-piece "matchy-matchys" typically a floral or cartoon pattern (lately Angry Birds has been the rage). Consider them like lounge wear! Now I own matchy matchys and wear them to the local convince store (my rule is no more than one kilometer beyond my apartment). I don't think I'll have trouble giving up this habit, but you never know.
• Comfortable never cooking Asian food. Between my helper (who deserves her own point of awesomeness) and the fact I can walk down the street for Khmer food that cost less than $2, why would I ever cook Asian food? Frankly, why would I ever cook? If I'm going to cook, I cook pasta or tacos, things I can't get readily or cheaply. Unfortunately, now I'm in a head-space where preparing any sort of Asian food is morally repugnant. So sorry, but I will not cooking Khmer food for you.

I'm sure there are may other quirky things that I do, some by choice and some by immersion in multiple odd places. But I do strongly believe in the importance of making yourself comfortable in the place you like, which inherently involves a little adaption. 

How to Road Trip Khmer Style

So many tasty delights

Cambodian road tripping is one of the many particularities of life here. I wish I could appropriately calculate the hours spent road tripping.

Most Cambodians do not have a car. Many (possibly most) have moto-scooters. However, driving several hundred kilometers on a moto which top out at around 80 KPH is not ideal on two-lane roads along with the trucks transporting goods, is just not ideal. Cambodia has a very functional bus and van system. The buses are secondhand from China, Japan, and Korea and the system is fairly efficient, though slow. Fares are always low, even if you want to pay for extra space and AC. The vans which would normally seat 12 in a developed country seat closer to 24 people. With a bus, you are guaranteed your individual seat. Karaoke music videos are non-negotiable for any trip. Most bus services will offer individual pick-ups and drop-offs. This is nice when you're being picked up from your hotel and dropped at your office. It's not so nice when everyone else (and the rice cooker bought by the bus driver for his auntie) gets the same service. Alas, it is what it is!

What you must always expect on a Khmer bus is that you will stop many times. There is little premium placed on efficiency. For one, the roads are in such a condition that you can't go much faster than 60mph to begin with. It's only downhill from there [ex: a trip from Phnom Penh to Sihnoukville is 185 kilometers yet takes five hours]. Expect to stop every 1.5 hours. The rest stops will vary from a simple toilet stop (20 minutes) to a full on meal break (30 minutes).

Khmer rest stops offer something so unique that I'll remember them for a long time. An obvious feature is the restrooms which vary from two to 20 stalls. These are always "squatty potty," rarely sanitary or well lit. Soap is rarely provided. Tissue is never provided.

The second memorable thing is a the food offered. You can purchase from two options.

• "Inorganics:" Crisps, various biscuits, various Asian processed snack items (the majority of which are shrimp flavored and with Chinese script), soft drinks, energy drinks, various Asian canned drinks ("glass jelly drink," winter-melon justice, birds-nest drink, etc.), and the like.
• "Organics:" Fried crickets, fried spiders, hard boiled eggs, duck embryo, charcoal roasted bananas, green mango, pamelo, pineapple, boiled peanuts, coconut jelly, rice in a bamboo stick with beans and the like.

Occasionally, you will need to eat at larger meal at rest stop. Larger rest stops will have a menu you can order from. They will serve a standard array of Khmer dishes; fried rice, fried noodles, chicken soup, spicy soup, etc. Smaller rest stops offer a Khmer variation on "fast food;" pots of prepared Khmer soups and sauces which come with a plate of rice and a side of bacteria. These pots are normally sitting out for some time. I have a phobia of "pots stops" but I have eaten from them at least once.

In the end, Cambodia is certainly underdeveloped, but in terms of public transport, the systems do exist. You just have to accept that it will take a while. Accidents are fairly rare, which makes no sense but I'm not complaining. At the end of the day, I will miss the ability to hop on a bus and go anywhere. In this regard, Cambodia has provided me huge freedom.

How to Visit Kirrirom

I tried to only take happy photos

My partner often schedules team-building activity days. Last year we went to Odong Mountain (where I saw the body of a mummified monk...long story). This year Kirrirom was chosen. As it so happened, Kirrirom was also on my "must see before leaving list." Kirrirom means "Happy Mountain" which might be the reason I was instantly attached to the idea of visiting.

There are several national parks in Cambodia. My colleagues cannot seem to name that many, which might be an indication of other issues. Kirrirom seems to be the most popular. It's about two hours south towards the beach. In the Cardamom Mountains means that there are something akin to hills which served as hideouts during the Khmer Rouge.

We went on the worst day possible. It was rainy and drizzly and I was cold and grumpy (anything below 80F makes me cold and grumpy). My first impression was absolute awe at seeing pine trees. My second impression was that the location was littered with rubbish.

We drove directly to a waterfall picnic area. Picnic areas in Cambodia are very different from what I wish they were. They are little sheds with more little sheds close by where people live and prepare food for these picnics. It's more like a restaurant. The waterfall had been renovated with surrounding bungalows where you could pay to use the space and have food prepared. These people are trying to make a living so I'm empathetic. Viable traces of so many people living in this area is highly noticeable, particularly because trash collection services do not extend to national parks and because they cut down park trees to build all the local structures. Many of the park dwellers pick the wildflowers to make wreathes which are sold to visitors (including my colleagues).

We sat in these bungalows while it drizzled. We paid the park residence to prepare a lunch for us. We played some team building activities. Later I went on a walk (accompanied, because colleagues are always concerned with my safety). I admired the trees and found myself increasingly angry by the rubbish sprawled everywhere and the clearly missing trees. Thankfully, my walking companion colleague shared my angst.

The experience of this park would not have been nearly so memorable if I hadn't been reading Collapse by Jared Diamond at the same time. This 525+ page treatise explores why societies choose to fail or succeed; Easter Island, Rwanda, Greenland, Iceland, among others (the Angkor Kingdom included!). The common denominator for all these societies was ecological mismanagement. Easter Island completely deforested the island. Greenland wouldn't switch to a local meat source. Iceland destroyed the ecosystem via sheep farming. Rwanda mismanaged their farmland. The resounding message is this: You run the risk of destruction if you don't protect your natural resources.

Reading about Iceland while looking at the heaps and heaps of rubbish inside a national park was upsetting. Is this where Cambodia is headed? They lost their Angkoran superpower status to deforestation and bad water management. Even today, Cambodia struggles with conservation. Current hot issues are mostly resource-based; evictions, rapidly expanding agribusiness, air and water pollution, and factory runoff. It's painful to see, and painful to think of the long-term consequences. When people are living on the edge, the slightest shift can push them even further.

So, an excellent day in my Cambodia adventures. An unexpectedly educational day. It wasn't completely a "happy mountain" but there is ever so much potential. The goal was the build a stronger team. Well, I slightly ruined that slouched behind a massive book.