How to Celebrate Christmas In Phnom Penh

I didn't really plan Christmas. Christmas activities fell in my lap this year. Sometimes when things fall in your lap you know someone is looking out for you.

Christmas Eve: Christmas Eve was perfect. I talked to all my family (and then some!), ate pancakes, went shopping, ate at KFC (even though I hate meat and fried foods), spent several hours updating computer software. And then, off to Mass with six other MCCers. There was a full on rendition of Jingle Bell Rock and Deck the Halls in addition to all the traditional Christmas hymns and precious small children doing a nativity play. From there, I ventured onto a friend's house where some of my house-church friends/coworkers had prearranged a Christmas Eve sleepover. There were eight of us who stayed over and several others who came over in the morning for brunch. We strung up mosquito nets on the veranda; ate our favorite foreign foods, played games and stayed up till 11:30pm which is the Cambodian equivalent to three am.

Christmas Day: Christmas brunch! I stayed over till well past noon the next day before I really couldn’t function anymore because I was puking up strange foods. So I slept, watched "Love Actually" and "The Queen" and didn't go out to my favorite Khmer restaurant with friends where the rice comes in a giant pineapple. We did watch Harry Potter 7 so that was fun.

Boxing Day: I tried to go to church but church was not occurring given the holiday festivities. And so I went out for French toast and treated myself to new music...and watched a movie...and a nap.

All in all, it was a good Christmas. It was my first Christmas tout de seule, my first Christmas in Cambodia, my first post-uni Christmas, so many firsts. I cannot complain. In fact, I really can't complain, me and my two-liter bottle of Sprite.

How Christmas Unites Us: Second Edition

I've been avoiding Christmas this year. It's for my own good. I miss my grandparents, my parents, my sister, my bros, my aunts and uncles...my friends. I only arrived in Phnom Penh eight weeks ago so while I have new friends here, I'm inherently and undeniably new...and this does not help when thoughts of previous Christmases come to mind.

Christmas in North America is surrounded by traditions which don't apply to me. I grew up without the lights, the cold weather, the Santa myth, the holiday parties, and the extravaganza of commercialism and the related gift giving complications. My Christmases were simpler. But this Christmas, I'm not around any family or any close friends. And as such, I'm avoiding Christmas. I find solace in the knowledge that this arrangement isn't permanent. I'll spend Christmases with my family in the future and I look forward to having great friends here next year here in Phnom Penh. Nothing is permanent in the global nomadic life, nothing is for sure, and everything is flexible (which drives even the most die-hard global nomad crazy).

Still, I can't completely ignore Christmas. I find myself thinking about expectations. Christmas is shrouded in expectations and anticipation, a buildup to a day of community and happiness. I'm not building my expectations around Christmas. I'm building expectations around other things, such as creating community here, Southern Sudanese independence, moving into my first apartment and hanging art on my bare white walls, hosting my family in May (the icing on the cake!), speaking Khmer with my partner (who speak precious little English), and learning to find and experience joy and peace in new places. Perhaps less concrete, perhaps less measurable, but I live in constant expectation for these moments, in permanent reverence in our flexible and irreverent world. In our global nomadic world, it's impossible to pin our happiness to one thing or even in tradition. We learn to expect and accept odd blessings from strange places.

And so we are united by our desire to find community. But community isn't linked to a date or a holiday but a lifestyle of open hearts and minds.

How to Drive in Phnom Penh

• Today I flipped an illegal u-turn on a red light. It would have been illegal in the States. I'm not so sure in Cambodia but it felt awesome to avoid the left-hand turn and no one else seemed to care.
• Today I made multiple left turns through oncoming traffic. The trick is to slow down to a crawl and creep/pray your way through.
• Today I watched a black SUV run a red light and come within half a foot of hitting me in the middle of a major intersection. I was furious...and stunned. I understand why everyone hates cars.
• Today I forgot to shift down, and stalled trying to pull out of another major intersection while literally several dozen motos (and tuks tuks!) were flying ahead all around me.
• Today I went around a roundabout twice. The first time was brilliant. The second time there were too many SUVs for me to pull off and when I finally managed to turn, I backtracked around the edge of the roundabout about 20 yards for my street.
• Today I drove on the wrong side of the road, but it's okay if it's only for a short distance. When traffic subsided ever so slightly, I moved to the correct side.
• Today I floored my little moto until I got up to 26mph. I thought I was flying. I've never gone so fast before, ever.
• Today I only used my blinkers once. Honestly, what the heck are those for anyway? It's not like you'd want to look down to turn them and no one else does!
• Today I didn't want to wait at a stop light, so I drove through a gas station and around the block.
• Today I parked on the sidewalk, but in my defense it had been turned into a parking lot and the pedestrians were walking on the road.
• And yes, today I also drove on the sidewalk.
• This was just today.

I was going to blog about driving in Cambodia. But apparently my short trip for lunch and wheat flour was interesting enough. There are no timid drivers in Cambodia. There are only drivers and aggressive drivers. I'm progressing towards aggressive but I'm still due for my new driver "incident" so we shall see. They are never serious incidents and I always travel with my phone and my very fashionable red helmet...and 5000 riel in the event of fines ($1.5).

Drive as fast as you can (if you go above 20mph you're flying), drive aggressively, drive anywhere there's space, and remember the pecking order; cars, tuk tuks, motos, bikes, and finally, at the very end, people. Oh and don't drive during the day with your headlight on because that's the only real offense you could be fined for.

How to Explain Unexpected Rain

It poured last Monday for several hours. It was very nice, cooling down the hot day. Rain empties the streets because you can't drive a moto, tuk tuk or bike when it's raining down sheets.

The unusually heavy and unseasonal rain was partially attributed to the Water Festival stampede deaths. The spirit world is unsettled and disturbed by the large number of unexpected deaths. Cambodian tradition suggests that for six days, the soul of the dead wanders around unaware they are actually dead. They'll try and go home so their family members will place food outside the house to keep them from entering the house. A Buddhist monk will circle the house chanting to create a type of spell which prevents the spirits from entering the house. If they enter their former home, they'll become ghosts and haunt the house. Often, intense and bananas or other food are set up on the sidewalk, even more appeasement and enticement. Sometimes, little model cars and houses are burned along with the incense so that the spirits will have all their needs met in the spirit world and have no desire to return home.

On the seventh day after their death, a spirit will finally realize that they've died. Since they can't go home, and they know their dead, they'll accept it and disappear into the spirit world.

There are three funerals after someone dies. The day after they die, the seventh day after they die (which is when the dead spirit realizes it's dead) and then 100 days afterwards to fully appreciate the passage of time. Sometimes, for cost efficiency, the seventh and 100 day funerals are rolled into one. During a funeral, it's perfectly acceptable to set up a massive tent in the street and play loud music and chanting over a PA system during each three-day funeral. Everyone does it. There's an unspoken rule that you can't complain because eventually do you'll do it too.

And so, rain, anomalies, and any form of disturbance last week was blamed on the Water Festival deaths and disturbance in the spirit worlds. It caused some genuine trepidation and fear; fear that the spirit world was somehow unbalanced which lead to the accident, and fear that the recently dead spirits would cause an even greater disturbance. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand such tradition as a Westerner. But this is what death means here, and the consideration for the happiness of others is touching. Lets hope we're so considerate while they're alive.

How to Celebrate Thanksgiving, or Not

Thanksgiving does not exist outside the 50 American States. I keep saying this to Americans in America because it's true. Maybe Thanksgiving extends some influence to US protectorates such as Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, and American Samoa. Here in Cambodia, I get holidays like International Human Rights Day, the kings birthday, the queen's birth, the kings's father's birthday and the three-day Cambodia New Year but not American Thanksgiving (even working for a bi-national American-Canadian organization).

Thanksgiving is far too American, steeped in a culturally specific story of manifest destiny, sporadically observed religious tradition, stupid culturally specific sports, and foods high in carbs that don't exist in other nations. Thanksgiving only goes as far as the American's who desire it will take the holiday. Thanksgiving came to Phnom Penh, only because Americans brought it and honestly, we only bring the food. We take it with us because it's part of who we are, it's part of a calender we find comforting, encourages a spirit of gratitude we understand as important, and because eating those high-carb foods brings a sense of stability.

I had a reverse Thanksgiving break this year. I got Monday and Tuesday off for Water Fest. And ironically given the stampede tragedy, we got Thursday off as a national day of mourning. So we actually got Thanksgiving off. I didn't do much. I was feeling tired so I hibernated with a book and a movie and eventually took a three-hour nap. As it is, we had our own Thanksgiving several days later, the expat staff and some of the interested national staff. It was delicious! We had stuffing (or dressing as some people call it), an actual turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, a pretty salad, Russian Mennonite Zwieback, apple cider, tropical fruit, and apple crisp and two types of pie. It was as close to a Thanksgiving in my global nomadic experience; good food and good people. It's what you make it and what you know.

I'm not exactly sure what to make of Thanksgiving sometimes. Remnants of culture to which I supposedly belong and links to food which I either dislike, can't access or are too high in carbs that I wouldn't eat anyway. I understand the significance of giving thanks. I made a list of 25 things which I'm thankful for, beginning with good health and ending with the people I love. I am thankful, but I suppose I don't have much need for a day to remind me of that when it's mixed with confusion and a lack of belonging. I count my blessings every day.

How Cambodian Water Festival Varies

Sunday morning when I googled Water Festival Cambodia, google fetched me fabulous pictures of boats, lights, floats, and fireworks. Today I made the same search. Along with the former photos were new pictures from Monday night and the stampede off Diamond Island. If I had written about Water Festival on Monday, this post would look different. It's Wednesday and given that around 375 people died and an estimated 750 were injured, I don't know exactly what to write.

Water Festival is one of the biggest holidays on the Cambodian holiday. Some suggest it's even bigger then Cambodian New Year or Chinese New Year (no one cares about the January 1st new year). Water Fest is a lunar based three-day holiday marking the Makong and Bassac Rivers reversed flow after the end of the rainy season. Over 2 million people converge on Phnom Penh from the provinces to watch the boat racing on the Phnom Penh rivers. The visitors camp out along the river, setting up mosquito nets and makeshift camps along the river front. Cambodians aren't exactly competitive people so Water Fest isn't really about the racing. It's about the makeshift markets along the river with deep discount and bargains on everything from tires to fruit. It's about the fireworks and nighttime floats with lights. It's about three days off from work. It's about spending time and eating with family and friends.

Phnom Penh residents and expats try to leave the city. It's congested and packed

and the river front area is blocked off from cars and motos so the crowds can flow better. Some of my coworkers left the city and the rest of us filled out time cooking, relaxing and "interneting."

I did make it down to the river front Sunday night. It was amazing! The high energy, the packed crowds, the sales and deals, the lit-up floats each representing a governmental office and looking very much like Disneyland, the 30 minute long exquisite firework display, the fountains with music and lights, the concerts in front of Independence Monument, and then trying to stay together with my coworker and her Cambodian sisters. It was like a rock concert meet 4th of July meets an amusement park. Several hours later I was tired of people shoving against me, but it was one of those overseas experience you slightly loathe but absolutely have to do once. Getting home we got stuck in traffic for over two hours. The crowds even then worried me. So Tuesday morning, sadly I wasn't completely surprised even though the scale was horrifyingly large.

No one knows what happened on Monday night. Diamond Island is Phnom Penh's newest hottest destination. You haven't been to Phnom Penh until you've been to Diamond Island. It was built on Bassac River silt several years ago and is accessed via two narrow bridges. At night, the bridges are decked out Vegas-style in massive multicolored lights, one of them even has a giant gold swan protruding upwards, longer then the actual length of the bridge. Too many people on Diamond Island, too many people on a bridge that's really only 30 feet-wide, too many lights that don't meet safety code...it didn't end well.

So that was Water Festival. It's a massive high energy festival. And it was also the lowest point in decades for national morale. I'm glad I experienced the good parts! And next year, I'll take my four day weekend and head out of town. What will Water Fest look like next year? No one knows.

How Holidays Have Mixed Connotations

I think you must be getting old when you don't care much for birthdays. I'm not even that old, but apparently I'll be old very soon. I've learned I can live a very well-adjusted life nearly anywhere. I wake up, find the sunshine or breath in the rain, and proceed to live my life as a series of days filled with good people, good food and good reflection. 

Except then there are holidays. That's when I want to be with people I love, and sometimes that's all I can think about. I value so many precious people, scattered across the world who I so rarely see. I think about where I was the previous holiday, and how things have so drastically changed and nostalgia morphs into self-pity. Sometimes I fall into good holidays, but that always hugely unplanned. I try very hard to ignore holidays, and when that fails, I try very hard to be apathetic, and then I decide to just have a lousy day, just that one day. Everyone else gives Christmas, Thanksgiving and birthdays positive connotation but I've attached mixed meanings. 

I haven't fully learned how to have good holidays overseas. Now I'm on a solo adventure I'll have to create my own traditions and make new meanings. Perhaps one day I'll be able to turn holiday sadness into a matter of bullet points when I have the answers. Realistically, I can't expect to have answers when I've lived a mere quarter of the average life-expectancy for North American women. And perhaps putting it in perspective, if I can live more or less content except for a handful of holidays, that's not so bad. Wednesday was a challenge. Thursday was good...and Friday...and Saturday...and even Sunday...so if anything, we can count our blessings. I'd rather have good days, and the occasional day in solitary reflection.