How New Year Divides Us: Third Edition

Singapore's finest.

There are many new articles and editorials documenting how 2011 was so crappy, mostly on account of the global economy (and the Kardashians). For me, this was entirely true. After the amazingness of 2010, 2011 was born into failure. The first half of the year was rough. I finally verbalized my worst fear in late June; Cambodia was a mistake. It wasn’t in July that things began to turn, when I learned the swing of work, finally realize what I was here to accomplish, and made a solid group of friends. So not surprisingly, the majority of this list happened later 2011. 

Luang Prabang Laos: I took a night train to Laos! I took an overnight bus in Laos! I ate sticky rice and curry in Laos! This tiny landlocked country stole my heart with its mountains, its food and its darling obsession for outlawing motos. But walking around the former mountainous country’s former capital city of Luang Prabang, by the beautiful old temples and the Mekong was a memory to cherish.

A little of Mondlekiri...

East Timor: Is it possible to climb up a statue of Jesus, go driving, snorkeling, kayaking, dance the poka poka, visit Marynoll sisters in a far off mountainous “village,” and eat cod-fish with the Portuguese on Christmas Eve…and within one week? It most certainly is! My family live on this pleasant little island, and they are doing well.

Mondlekiri: Perhaps my favorite day in Cambodia thus far happened in Mondlekiri. Renting a moto and driving through the mountains; pine trees, Thai food and one unique eco lodge, waterfalls, calm and quiet, and sunshine mixed with rain. Mondlekiri was one favorite piece of a fabulous month-long visit from my very favorite person.

The EED Grant: I’ve never written a grant or proposal in my entire life (my college failed me in that respect). So imagine my surprise when the first grant I had ever written for $40,000 USD for my one partner was accepted by German funder EED? I earned my wings as a partner adviser. 

Yes I am a safe driver.

The Day they “Got It”: I can clearly remember the day when at my partner, we brought in an outside consultant to discuss our M&E framework (what I had been putting together for the past several months with two national staff). He loved it, and a light bulb went on for the national staff. I knew in that moment that they got it. It was validating of our work together, and appeased doubts that they would never understand the purpose of documenting one’s work. Moments like these reward us service workers who often question if we're doing anything right.

The Temples of Angkor (credit to Jon)

Rain driving: During the rainy season, sporadic bursts of rain are inevitable. It happens often when you’re driving. There is something completely joyful about splashing through giant puddles with rain coming down so hard you can hardly breathe. (Provided you have no valuables on you.)

Singapore Orchid Garden: Singapore’s Orchid Garden was perfect. Cambodia doesn’t afford many green spaces, so sitting down next to a bed of orchids was almost too much for me to handle. It was almost a restoring of a soul; that natural untainted beauty does exist, even in small little places, and in small flowers. It was also one of the cheaper things to do in the over-developed Singapore.

Angkor Wat: I’ve been to Angkor Wat twice now. I don’t love Angkor Wat because it’s so freaking hot out there and you can’t see the temples without becoming completely exhausted! However, it’s a pretty spectacular sight to see. Everyone should see it once in their life (I think Jackie Kennedy said that).

Laos Beckons

Learning to Drive: I’ve written so much about driving moto in Phnom Penh and the countryside. It’s because I just love it that much! The day when I leave my beloved moto (affectionately known as “lake boo-in” or “Number Four”), I might actually cry.

The Team: The vast majority of the MCC Cambodia team arrived within Cambodia in a 10 month time-frame. As a result, our three-year terms will all overlap a good two years. This solid group of couples, mostly non-Mennonites who have all extended their homes, their fridges, their humor and stories, their vacations, their friendships, and (in one case) their firstborn red-head child to me. I will prize these friendships for life. (This also includes the one-year “interns” or “saltines” who I have been happy to count among my friends.)

A little Timor with the little siblings 

I am so excited for 2012; challenge filled certainly but one hopefully filled with joy. I look forward to:

·         New friendships and deepening present friendships

·         Visiting new places and countries

·         Seeing my family and dear ones again

·         More late night skype conversations

·         Completing GREs

·         Possibly a half-marathon...

·         Above all else, finally getting my partner on board with the M&E indicators I wrote last September. (No one ever said capacity building or even communication was easy.)

How Christmas arrived in Phnom Penh

So how does my dearest Phnom Penh express it's festive side this Christmas time.

Well, first of all, Christmas is not a national holiday. So kids will be in school, businesses will be open, and your 24-hour mart (even though realistically it's 7 to 9 joint), will be open.

However, Christmas fever seems to have bitten the town (along with Dengue, another story).

These are the things I have noticed (yet neglected to photograph):

• Imported Western candy at Lucky supermarket (including candy canes and personal favorite, holiday Hershey Kisses)
• There have been two Christmas markets, where social enterprises are selling their good to the mostly expat community
• Multiple blow-up Santas in front of mini-market
• One favorite coffee shop (Brown) has a peppermint latte
• Multiple sales at various establishments (including clothing shops and craft stores)

Finally, I don't know if this coincides with Christmas, but there are twinkle lights all along Noradom Avenue (crooked but still so pretty!), and green, blue, and white twinkle lights around Independence Monument. Independence will also have lights on the little shrubs around it (not unlike little Christmas trees) and the fountains will be playing with coordinated changing color lights. Noradom Ave and Independence Monument are often decorated for national holidays and festivals. One of my favorite things to do in Phnom Penh for holidays is to loop the Independence round-about several times, drive up Noradom, circle Wat Phnom at the top (which will also have special spot lights), drive back down Noradom, loop Independence once again, and drive home quite happily singing songs to myself. For just a little while, everything feels just a little prettier.

Perhaps it's because I will see my family over the holidays, but I am feeling the holidays. I still sweat everyday, run the AC at the office everyday and on swimming on Saturday. Yet I am steadfast in my belief that Christmas may not be hijacked by cold weather people when demographically, more people live in climates similar to Cambodia.

Incidentally, Phnom Penh has also taken to recently posting banners declaring itself "the Charming City." I take great offensive to the use of the word charming in this situation. Unless however we mean trash in the gutter, no zoning, monster Chinese-styled buildings in tiny lots, stupid one way streets, zero sidewalks, very few trees, and chronically aggressive motodup and tuk tuks. Phnom Penh is near and dear to my heart, clearly. However, charming in this context has been hijacks. In fact, I have declared this city..."The Crazy Town."

How to Summarize Work in 2011

This week at my organization, we completed the task/chore known as "review and planning session." We talk strategy and the all important budget. We talk about what we've done over the past year, the tasks we've completed, and what we'd like to focus on over the next year. As part of this, we each brought a few paragraphs on lessons learned over 2011. I drank a lot of coffee before I wrote mine. I like mine! The length is ideal for a short blog post. Therefore...here are a few lessons learned over 2011.

An Essay on Words
For Review and Planning December 2011

The word which defines 2011 is "confusion." Perhaps "inadequacy" is a close second. I officially started work as a partner adviser on 2 January 2011. Since then, I've experienced a barrage of challenges and confusion in both partner and MCC work; deciphering roles, expectations, limitations and the constant changing of roles, expectations and limitations. We rush to meet deadlines to find they are artificial dates. We painfully debate which fork in the road to take, when they both arrive at the same destination. We struggle to communicate simple tasks. We battled irrelevance. Such is life. Such is life in Cambodia. Such is life when you embrace flexibility, and wait attentively for life to teach you. Last December, I choose "patience" as the virtue to define this year personally. I don't know if I've learned much about patience but I've had the opportunity to practice it.

As I pass 14 months in Cambodia, observations on country-specific challenges to peacebuilding revealed a new word. So much of what occurs here is based on this word, "fear." I have seen the reality of being caught in the paralyzing grip of deep cultural fears. I have faced the reality of becoming fearful, and seen how we can imprison ourselves to bondage of our own making, in paranoia both real and perceived. I've examined fears affecting my work in Cambodia. I fear inadequacy, that I’ll fail to consider cultural factors, that I’ll fail to listen, that I’ll fail to lead by example... And as such, fear that this word will define me, has become an incentive to consider motivations, and how to live a fear-free life.

I've not choose a word for this coming year. The overall word I wish I define my life is "joy." I like to think I will see more in the coming year now that my feet are established and relationships are developed. Our colleague someone once mentioned to me that a good educator will set their teaching curriculum just outside their own knowledge base, to inspire themselves to learn outside what they already know. I find myself resonating with this idea. I've considered how this require patience, freedom from fear, a confrontation with inadequacy, a commitment to joy. I don't know how to sum that up in a word, but if I could, that would be the word for 2012.

How to Attend a Khmer Wedding

In the words of a colleague, "how come you have been here so long and haven't been to a wedding?" My sentiments exactly. As of Saturday, this was finally crossed off the bucket list.

It's almost a struggle to write about this experience. It was short and anti-climatic and I felt out of place for most of it. However, because weddings are universally interesting, I share pieces of this experience.

In the morning is a ceremony. I did not go the ceremony. It was at 7am, and after the invitation debacle, I wasn't going to push it (I was promised an invitation but didn't get one, cross-cultural confusion). The ceremony is fairly standard. The groom with his family and friends parade up to the bride's house two-by-two with plates of fruit as an offering/dowry. They are invited in and the family will quiz the groom and the bride to be sure it's a good match (it's an amicable formality)...and they are pronounced married. 

In the evening is the party. Everyone is invited. Absolutely everyone. Guests bring the standard $20 in the envelop that your invitation came in. This is supposedly to cover the costs the the party, food, band, venue, etc. Someone takes the money and writes down exactly who it's from and how much they gave. This is very important. When someone from your family gets married, it must be appropriately returned. Therefore, if I gave $40, this couple would be morally bound to give $40 at my wedding. This is so very important, and if you weren't going to return (or raise it), you might as well not come to my wedding (but if you didn't come, you would lose face). Alas, no one said social rules were easy. 

Women are expected to dress up like it's the the red carpet at the Oscars; hair, hair extensions, stage-make up, nail extensions, sparking heels, and vibrant colors. Maybe half the women wear the traditional skirt and shirt, which is very sparkly. The other half wear more Western "prom" dresses. Men can wear anything they want, preferably not not polos, but I did see a few polos. In keeping with half the expectations set forth, I went around the block to get my hair and nails done...but I did wear a very Western dress. I don't anticipate dressing up any more then this, for the rest of my life.

This wedding was at a restaurant, so after shaking the couple's hand at the entrance, I went up to the hall. Each table seated 10 people and the drinks were already on the table (pepsi, tonic water, Angkor beer). When a table was full, food would come. When the food was finished (this food did exceed my expectations, in all honesty), you could mingle or they could leave. The single most notable feature of all Khmer weddings is the alcohol. This is how it is. This wedding was absolutely no exception. It's a party. The beer will flow without ceasing, without judgement, and without moderation. 

At the end of the day, sitting in a giant hall alone with 375 people who don't speak much English and are greatly enjoying the local beer and whiskey mixed with tonic water and ice chunks....isn't really my thing. Maybe if I hadn't gone alone (I think I was allowed a plus one, but another point of confusion). Maybe if I had been more committed to the whiskey mixed with tonic water and ice chunks. Maybe...if I was Khmer. After about three hours and feeling very white and out of place, I left early. I did miss the dancing which I regret (moving slowly around a potted plant while your fingers flex in a circular motion...done it before). Alas, but I also had an invite to Thanksgiving dinner after-party so that was the next stop in this eventful evening. 

At least I kicked two things off the bucket list that night. 1) Attending a wedding. 2) Riding side-saddle on a moto taxi. For this reason, the evening was successful. 

How to Drive a Car in Phnom Penh (Part II)

"The traffic code is aiming to provide the prestige and effectiveness regarding to protect the traffic safety, keep public orders/security of the national society, prevent the public properties, lives and advantages of people and State from eventually damages. Globalization, is targeted to educate all people to obey the rules and mobilize them to share in strong opposition to the guilty acts which will breach to the traffic regulations."

Have you ever heard anything crazier?

I think not.

This was on the first page of my little driving manual, right under "the purpose" (as if there needed to be a purpose for a driving manual). This darling booklet included four pages of "rules," four pages of signs, six pages of diagrams, and five pages explaining car parts and various dashboard lights. The English is horrible. Many of the rules and explanations don't even make sense. I rediscovered this when cleaning out recently. I acquired my license in July. It was almost worth coming to Cambodia, just for this experience.

I finished drivers ed in April. However, because of scheduling and visitors, it wasn't until July, I presented myself to my driving school and announced my intention of passing the test. I was given this manual and a photocopy of the written road test, and told to memorize it. This was exam prep, Khmer style. So for about a week, I laid on the cool tile on my apartment floor and memorized the eight page test.

The following week, I drove my moto 45 minutes north of the city to a random outpost where driving tests are administered (ironic that I would have to drive myself so far north, given the reason). I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. One never knows. Asking for specifics is ludicrous. I finally located a Korean looking man, and followed him, knowing I needed to find other foreigners. I was one of three non-Asian in a group of 30 foreigners. We were herded into a room and given the written exam. It was about 80% of what I had memorized. I was the first one done in under five minutes. After waiting over an hour for the result, I was informed that I had failed.

Having failed, I could not take step-two, the road test. I was honestly baffled. No matter how scores were weighed, it seemed unlikely I had failed it considering I had memorized 80% the answers. I suspected this is the step where one greases hands. But I was too proud for that. Maybe I can't drive, but I can memorize.

So I went back the next week, driving in the pouring rain 45 minutes north to this random outpost. There were only about 15 other foreigners this time, including a very old American guy with his super young Khmer "lady-friend." This time, the test was exactly the same as the one I had committed to memory, word for each horribly translated English word. It didn't matter. The test proctor told the very old American guy sitting three feet away from me the answers, pointing to the correct multiple-choice answers on the page.

After passing the written part, we walked through the rain to the driving course for the road test. It had been several months since I had last driven a car and my brain was scrambling to pull up indicators. But I reminding myself that no matter what the outcome, this experience could only become infinitely more hilarious. So with great confidence, I climbed in the ancient white Toyota Corolla (the door barely latched shut) in the pouring rain. Three "proctors" roamed the course while I was driving, barking out orders and corrections. It went well, until I had to make a three-point-turn. That was a failure. It got worse when my parallel parking attempted ended up on the curb.

It was hilariously embarrassing, and the original conclusion was that I failed. But after negotiations between the woman from my driving school and the three proctors, they agreed to let me pass (this is where having relationships and connections in Cambodia truly matters). Incidentally, the very old American guy drove the course backwards (obviously not the sharpest crayon in the box). He passed. Several weeks later, I went back to the driving school to pick up that precious piece of plastic that gives me legitimacy to continue driving.

I had only ever requested that the experience of learning to drive in Cambodia be hilarious. It was just that, completely hilarious, rendering me completely satisfied. The final golden lesson from my darling little booklet is as follows (direct quotation): Be careful in driving is driving art leading us to have always life. 

How to Make an FGD Successful.

Before arriving in Cambodia last year, I had never heard of a focus group discussion (or FGD). I don’t know how that happened. I have a university degree in a social science field. But I had never heard of a focus group which is mildly embarrassing. However, now I do and recently I attended my first focus group.

Here’s the story.

I do a lot of monitoring and evaluation in my job. One project was to evaluate a program which involved my partner helping their partner train commune council mediators in family mediation models. Mediation is surprisingly common in Cambodia. However, normally a respected “mediator” simply tells conflicting parties who was wrong and how to fix their problem…which doesn’t always fix problems or work towards attitude changes.

So these 12 mediators went through a six month course on listening, looking for feelings, maintaining neutrality, helping parties generate options, and when it’s appropriate to give advice.

I was part of the follow up team, conducting a focus group to understand how much they’d adapted the training content in their practice. We asked them to share stories, to share what they learned that was useful, what they wish the training had included, and what they might do differently in future mediations.

This involved driving three hours to Kampong Cham Province on a Monday morning. It involved sitting in a floor (knees together, the polite way) and listening to these delightful people tell their stories. It was in Khmer, but thankfully one of my colleagues with impeccable English was there to me. Afterwards, we ate fried rice and drove the three hours back to Phnom Penh.

We had several challenges. First, observers coming and going during the session (there should be no observers). Second, there was a tight time constraint (we ran out of time). Third, 12 people is really too many (should have had two groups). Finally, the space was long and narrow so people on one side of the room could not hear the other side. My team noted these as important considerations for future FGDs.

A unique challenge to Cambodia is that no one wants to make anyone else look bad, and no one wants to cause you to lose face. As a result, people will tell you what they think you want to hear. This is an added dynamic when people are in large groups, speaking about their experience working with your organization…they will tell you everything was great even if they loathed the very core of you existence. Knowing this, most the FGD involved posing scenarios and asked people how they would respond, “if your son was skipping school, what would you do?” Shifting attention away from yourself helps, but there is always a chance that the data isn’t accurate because people are only telling you want you want to hear.

In general, the FGD facilitator should,

• Paraphrasing to find key strengths
• Maintaining confidence and neutrality
• Ask open-ended unbiased questions
• Move the conversation along
• Encourage everyone to speak
• Help the group understand that no answer is correct, all ideas are valued

Part of my responsibility with this focus group is the analysis. Over December, I’ll be going through transcripts looking for trends, themes, and lessons learned, and understanding how we can improve our training to better meet needs for people like these Kampong Cham mediators.

A personal goal is to facilitate an FGD. It might not happen in Cambodia. In fact, it would be very rare for this to happen in Cambodia. But one day…such a nerdy little life goal…it’s on the bucket list. 

How I can't Write about Mud.

Sitting with my dear friends Michael and Lisa in Prey Veng last Saturday night, I posed Lisa this question. “What will I blog about this week?” She had just updated her blog about Mud. Her street is a mud pit from the flooding and I had even hosed down the muddy shoes outside the house that day. In fact, all of Prey Veng Province is muddy from the record 10-year flooding. Naturally, I had to think of something equally enthralling to blog about. I can't write about mud because I haven't experienced mud like Lisa has. I have to reflect on my own experiences, or perhaps I can reflect on the experiences and stories of those around me.

Just the night before I’d heard stories from another colleague who’s teaching macroeconomics at a rural Cambodian university. He has great stories, about eating dog, kicking dogs who attack him while jogging and playing ping pong with a professor who skipped classes to beat him at ping pong.

Then there was the Danish lady in Prey Veng province doing her PhD research on domestic violence and battering in rural Cambodian settings. We discussed the data she had collected in her latest focus group about perceptions of rape. The data was fascinating; our reactions to said data were shock and horror.

Which reminds me of another interesting person. She’s Italian and volunteering as a monitoring and evaluation consultant with an NGO that does similar work as my partner. We swapped challenges and tools for M&E and then I learned about her, how she’d just completed her PhD in historical anthropology (which is about when my ego crashed), and she’d just decided against getting married and was moving to Cambodia long-term. Completing a PhD and then entirely switch careers, interesting.

Thinking of my partner organization, I consider the interesting donor visit from Friday. Two people from our one donor organization and four pastors came to understand about peacebuilding and the overall partnership. They were Australian, and they were absolutely enthusiastic about talking with me and our director. In normal life, I normally have to keep conversation flowing, but this time I scarcely had to ask one question at all. The enthusiasm and excitement about our work was all the encouragement I needed. 

Still thinking of my partner organization, I was asked Friday if I’m going to wear a traditional Khmer outfit to a colleague’s wedding at the end of November. I deflected (because I don't wear sparkles), and asked her if she had obtained her attire yet. She replied that she got obtained all her wedding dresses, though she won’t be going the customary 13 or 14 bridal outfits. Then I was asked how many outfits American brides wear. “Just one, sometimes two, but it’s often very expensive,” I respond. They were not impressed.

Of course this could not top my favorite Cambodia interaction of all time. I walked in late a staff lunch at my partner organization the weekend after an unusually short haircut (it was definitely short). A male colleague saw me and commented, “Grace, we haven’t had hair this short since Pol Pot time. Have you been to Toul Slang [Genocide Museum] and seen the pictures of the girls with the short hair? You look just like that.” It was futile to explain I was going for “Amelie” from the French film “Amelie.” I felt very insecure, and probably went very red before repeating my standby line of self-defense..."it’s different in my country.”

I cannot believe how delightfully surprised and blessed I am to meet such fabulous people who share pieces of their lives with me, and who's stories sometimes intersect with my own life. However, you don’t have to live overseas for similar amusement. You just have to be live your life.