This Post is for TWO Years

It's that time again for another "camba-versary." Moving from one to two years comes with respect. After 18 months, you've been here forever. It doesn't yet feel like forever, but that might come soon.

Year Two has been mixed. It started on a high, only to plummet over the spring and finally begin to level out into a balanced contentment over late summer and autumn. As an expat, the longer you live here, you feel you understand it less and less. You learn that the strangeness and complexity are all beyond what your Western mind can process; a beautiful place trapped inside itself, unable to move forward without taking one step back. Former US ambassador to Cambodia, Joseph Mussomeli, remarked once,"be careful, because Cambodia is the most dangerous place you will ever visit. You will fall in love with it, and eventually it will break your heart." 


Cambodia has broken many hearts, including mine; a beautiful place trapped in the ghosts of the past, the corruption of the present, and struggling to find a path into modernity that doesn't widen the gulf between the rich and poor. Sometimes I wonder if the best thing for Cambodia would be for us to leave and let Cambodia decide for itself what sort of country it wants to be. To deforest the country and sell it to China or to respect human rights. To face the ghosts of the Khmer Rouge or to sabotage the tribunal. Cambodia itself hasn't decided the answer to these questions.

Yet just like the 14 different locations before Cambodia, Cambodia wasn't an accident. There's some reason why any of us end up anywhere at any time. I've been told that if I live my life differently because I was here, that is sufficient. I have learned and grown here, in the most unexpected ways. It hasn't been entirely tragic. I'm proud that I've found my way in the mayhem and I honestly adore and appreciate my little life here.

There are wonderful things about Cambodia, and utterly irritating things. I was reflecting on this recently, in honor of TWO.

Five things which must change in Cambodia:

• Wedding/Funeral Tents. Pitching a tent on the road in front of your house is so two-thousand-and-late people. Please rent one of the many available facilities! Please stop creating monstrous traffic jams. Please stop blasting 11pm street-side karaoke. Please stop the 4am chanting. You no longer live in the province. Urbanize people!
• Sidewalks. Sidewalks are not parking lots, let me tell you. Sidewalks are not extensions of your store. Sidewalks are not locations to discard smelly rubbish  Sidewalks are for humans to walk on. There should also be more.
• Climate. It's so hot. I whinge endlessly about this climate and the longer I'm here the more I whinge. However, if the climate changed, then the agricultural livelihoods which people depend upon would be destroyed so personal preferences must be sidelined in this case. However, I'm no longer ashamed to admit, I hate this climate.
• Trees. Deforestation...(and land grabbing)...enough said. 
• Food. Initially, I was not impressed with Khmer food. Now I'm completely comfortable at partner events when an entire fish is placed in front of me. However, we could introduce something beyond fish sauce and salt for flavors. 

Five things to continue in Cambodia:

• Motos. Motos are a good thing for Phnom Penh. They are small, efficient and cheap. Cars are none of the above and Phnom Penh was not built to handle cars. Continuing bikes and motos is essential. 
• Markets. Markets are fun! You can buy fresh produce, ice coffee, tasty noodles, and haggle to your heart's content. There's something delightfully human about markets, even if they can be too warm in hot season. 
• Holidays. While so many public holidays do prevent work efficiency to some extent, I really love having 17 public holidays per year in addition to my 15 vacation days.
• Buses. It's pretty easy and painless to get around Cambodia. You can get to Vietnam and Thailand fairly painlessly by bus. While they aren't fast, they are air conditioned and you'll easily get to your destination problem-free, only a little worse for wear thanks to watching hours of Khmer music videos. In fact, getting anywhere is easy; motos, tuk tuks, bikes...
• Reliable water, electricity, and internet. Phnom Penh ranks very highly in this regard. In two years, I've only lacked water twice at my apartment. Power cuts are very infrequent and short. Internet is decently fast and largely reliable. Lets pray with all the recent building that these lovely amenities don't stop.

How the King Died

Royal Palace Scenes: Incense, prayers, and flowers

On 15 October this year, former Cambodian king Norodom Sihanouk died from a heart attack in Bejing. He was 89 years old and had been living in China (and North Korea) since 2004. And then Cambodia got surreal.

I'm told it's bad karma to discuss a person's flaws after their death, because even though they're dead, their spirit is still alive and present and if angered, will wreak havoc on me. That's the thing about death in Cambodia, you're never really dead. Your spirit lives on and is still very present in day-to-day life and must be treated with reverence and respect. However, Sihanouk was human, which means he was flawed.

Sihanouk is considered a god-king. Product of the long line of Cambodian royalty, he was installed as king by the French in 1941. At 19, he was slated to be their puppet. He proved otherwise and after a long campaign, Cambodia won independence from France in 1953. After that, he played all sides in the military escalation in Vietnam including the USA and China (all of whom he supported at one point), was disposed in a coup in 1970, served as the puppet leader by the Khmer Rouge in 1975 (who he supported than didn't), disposed by the Vietnamese in 1979 (who he supported than didn't) after which he lived in exile in North Korea. He was finally reinstated in 1991 by the United Nations Transitional Authority for Cambodia (UNTAC), the UN program which poured $2 billion into Cambodian reconstruction after over 20 years of conflict.

Despite UNTACs efforts, by the mid-90s, power lay with still incumbent prime minister Hun Sen. Despite the lively political intrigue, back-door deals, clever power plays, and even a small coup, Sihanouk was never more than a figure head. He abdicated in 2004 and left the country, largely because bad health. On a personal level, Sihanouk had two wives (unofficially, he had seven), 14 children, and was a filmmaker, poet, an avid blogger.

Some called him a master politician. Others called him power hungry. Most in the West agree he was elitist and authoritarian. In Cambodia, he's remembered with awe and reverence, bestowing Cambodia it's freedom from France. He's remembered as a strong unbreakable leader who put Cambodia on the map. He's remembered as the only king who ever "truly loved his people" (a slap in the face to his son and current king). People are genuinely distraught at his passing, young people who never knew him as their leader and older people who remember the dark days. There have been many tears in the last week.

Sihanouk's body returned from China on 17 October with thousands lining the streets to see the casket. He's currently laying in-state at the Royal Palace for three months and sometime after that we'll have the funeral and cremation (date not set). He death was followed by a week of mourning, and a ban on all television programming that showed smiling, laughing, singing or dancing (end date, unknown). Technically there is a national ban on all smiling, laughing, singing and dancing. Water Festival in November was cancelled...again. People make pilgrimages to the Royal Palace to light incense lay lotus flowers, and pray that his spirit will be at peace and feel sufficiently respected, even in death. While down at the Palace madhouse, you can pick up a t-shirt on sale with his face emblazoned in black and white, as well large photographs of him, and finally a few snacks.

I've lived here for two years. You learn a lot in two years. Yet with this outpouring of grief and sadness, with all the black ribbons pinned to tops and shirts, with all the little shrines in front of businesses in Sihanouk's honor, I have an confession to myself and the world. Frankly, I do not understand Cambodia whatsoever.

How to Avoid Typhoid

How does one get Typhoid Fever? Frankly, it's quite disgusting. If you want to know, you may wiki this yourself. The more polite response is that it's a water and food borne disease. Even though this post is titled, "How to get Typhoid," this is actually a friendly encouragement to make sure you are up-to-date on your vaccine and for more information, visit the CDC or WHO websites.

I've been asked frequently how and where I got Typhoid. Frankly, I have no idea. It could have been anything I ate or drank over the last month. Oh wait, that's right, I had Typhoid. The vaccine is only good for two years and only 50%-80% effective. I was probably 12 years overdue.

I had a milder case of Typhoid. I pulled myself together to make it to the doctor for a blood test (I thought it was dengue) and was on antibiotics three days after first coming down with a fever. Aside from the throbbing migraine, if you're lay in bed, it's not really that painful. The high fever and mild psychosis make you lethargic and sleepy. You lose your appetite and all food tastes extremely bad. However, if you sit up, or try to visit the bathroom, then you know you it's not just a common flu and you mutter angrily about living in such a crappy country that can't eradicate a largely preventable and controllable tropical disease. So you stay in bed...for a week...pretty much just sleeping and watching TV. Towards the end, you start to loose your mind because of sheer boredom.

The following week, you feel extremely tired and have some difficulty focusing, but you head back to work because you're way too bored to convalesce any longer. By the end of that week, you should feel largely well, though your weakened immune system might be fighting something else. The week after that, you're still tired and require nine full hours of sleep per night. Three weeks after coming down Typhoid, then you should finally feel yourself again. Through it all, you're thankful there are people who are looking out for you, texting their sympathy, and thankful that in Cambodia, you can order in.

At least now I get to report that I had an exotic and dangerous sounding disease. Frankly, it's overrated. Also, living in the developing world where unfortunately Typhoid is common, there's really no glamour, only pity. Which is why I highly recommend the semi-effective short-term vaccine. Seriously, it's not an enjoyable disease.

How to Survive "High Holiday Season"

In another 10 days, it will be Puch'm Ben. This means productivity-wise, everything is downhill till International New Year. I like to call this period "high holiday season" to distinguish it from "low holiday season" in April/May. I realize this makes no sense. Forgive me.

Cambodia is already notorious for their 31 public holidays. I like to classify them in five categories:

• Cultural Holidays. Puch'm Ben, Khmer New Year, and Water Festival.
• Buddhist Holidays. These exist, but no one in the international community knows them.
• Political Holidays. Birthdays of multiple members of the royal family, independence days, etc.
• Rights-Based Holidays. Labor Day, Women's Day, Children's Day, and Human Right's Day.
• Imported Holidays. International New Year and Christmas, the later being extremely unpopular. 

Schools and government ministries take all 31 holidays. Even if it falls on a weekend, a day is still taken off in lieu. The private sector picks a selection. My organization (and many others) takes 17. I also work with two different Cambodian partners who both also take 17 holidays. While we take all the "cultural holidays" and "international holidays," we vary on the political and rights-based ones. On my calendar, in three separate colors, I record which partner takes which day off. This varies from year to year, and organizations often holidays based on the day they fall (Friday trumps Tuesday, etc). Officially, I'm only allowed to take the holidays which my sending organization approves. Unofficially, if a partner is closed, I usually don't have much to do...which means going to my sending organization's office and writing blog posts.

The main holidays in "high holiday season" include the following:

• Constitution Day (24 Sep). Holiday for Partner1.
• Puch'm Ben (three days in Sept or Oct). Holiday for my organization, Partner1, and Partner2.
• Coronation Day (29 Oct). Holiday for my org, and Partner1. 
• King Father's Birthday (31 Oct, aka, Halloween). Holiday for my org and Partner2.
• 1st Independence Day (9 Nov). Holiday for all three.
• Water Festival (three days sometime in Nov). Holiday for all three.
• Human Right's Day (10 Dec). Holiday for my org and Partner1.
• Christmas Day (25 Dec). Holiday for all three.
• International New Year (1 Jan). Holiday for all three.
• 2nd Independence Day (9 Jan). Holiday for all three.

This is the next three months for me. I was recently working on my department's quarterly report for October, November, December and realized that between holidays, training's, my vacation, staff paternity leave, and retreats, we only have three full weeks of work between now and 2013. As I go into my third "high holiday season," I've realized that it's a battle at work to keep things moving during this period. Life is slow. You can only accept it, plan major activities for January  and enjoy the time off. Very few countries have this many holidays so enjoy it while it lasts.

How to take a break from overseas

It's been a while since I reflected on life overseas. A much needed sabbatical from life overseas was needed. I came to a place where I desperately needed to see beautiful things. I needed to see trees, parks, flowers, and grass. I needed to see tall pine trees. I needed to see hills. I needed to stand in the middle of a large open space and know that no one else was there, except me. In short, I'm told there is beauty in Cambodia, but I can't see it.

I also needed to see people, mainly family and friends. There was a perfect way to remedy this...return to my country of origin for three weeks.

I planned this trip for almost seven months. I wondered quite seriously what would be the most surprising or startling after being away for almost two years. I spent a lot of time wondering if I would feel strange, or if I would want to go back to Cambodia. I wondered how relationships would have changed.

What was most surprising was the feeling that I'd never left. It wasn't strange to be on paved roads. My clothes were still in my closet in my parents house. People still knew who I was...or who I'm related/connected to. It was almost a whole different world, yet also a world in which I also belonged. It is as if there are two worlds, parallel universes coexisting independently, where I fit quite well yet separated by days of travel. It's the strangest feeling! I don't know if I'll ever understand that oddity.

There were several things which are most memorable about my much-needed North American break.

English: I really like speaking English. I love when my humor is understood! I love when I can make small talk with people outside changing rooms or with the check-out clerk. I love the feeling of forming a small bond with someone through our mutual language.

Bike Rides: I knew going into my trip that there would be bikes involved. I also knew I was out of shape (Cambodia discourages all exercise). Thankfully though, I did manage to surpass my expectations of physical limitations and completely enjoyed myself. My beloved Fuji road bike and I were reunited and we still fit together perfectly. It was a delight to experience one of my favorite cities, Washington DC, once again on their wonderful trails, on a bike.

Trees/Sidewalks: Americans are right to reserve sidewalks for walking, and not for moto parking lots. It's also really nice to line them with trees. It's nice that people plant flowers outside their homes for pedestrians like me to enjoy. It's nice that they go past parks with playgrounds. Sidewalks are so amazing.

Landscape: Though I rarely claim to be a New Yorker, I've recently reconsidered that perhaps I actually am. I love the hills and the dense pockets of pine trees. I love places like the Adirondacks, and all the little lakes. It's all so beautiful and living without it does suddenly feel far less attractive. Similarly, there's hardly any trash in the rural American landscapes. This is extremely and supremely important to me. This is why I can't ever love Asia.

Climate: Even though it was hot at times, my hair looks good at the end of the day, I don't need to take three showers everyday, and people run AC when it's unnecessary!

Food: I'm not a fan of food in the United States. Everything is just too sweet! But I enjoyed bagels, flavored ice cream, breakfast cereal, and tasty coffee. Even if you only have these things once every two years.

Relationships with people have shifted. Some are unaltered, but most have shifted, growing closer with some and farther away from others. I found myself strengthened by many people who I value and this was also much needed. I also found that returning to the States as an adult international aid worker instead of as the child of an aid worker is slightly different. Now, I have to explain my work myself, I must make intelligent insightful conversation regarding my life overseas, I plan my days/travels myself, and I've lost the ability to "borrow" my brother's suitcase space. Most memorable, I felt like I had something to return to, my job and my friends, a foreign location that I choose myself and me only.

It was hard returning. I love my little life in Cambodia. I have a million things I'm thankful for. I have a wonderful set of friends and colleagues and all the delicious food I could hope for. Yet Cambodia is so very far away from the States. I rarely see family or dear people or hiking trails free from litter. Somehow you learn to push the sadness aside and live your richly blessed life, your other parallel universe where you also fit nicely. Some things in life will never be easy.

For now, my soul absorbed beauty and I will live off the emotional high of bike rides, bagels and paved roads.

How to move your office overseas

I have moved a whole lot in my time and lived out of many suitcases. However, I have never moved an office. I hope I never move another office. For some reason, some tragically inexplicable reason, I was one of a few people still in the office during the process which was quite unfortunate. I should explain the full story. 

1 April we were evicted. Our landlady had mental issues and thought we were out to get her. She refused to take the rent money because of his paranoia. Her son wanted to collect on it. There was also a daughter that wanted it. The son and the daughter had a feud between them. We decided to get out of the family drama.

April and May we went house hunting. We’d been in our old office for over four years in a fabulous neighborhood. However, we soon learned that within those four years, our neighborhood had been "Khmer gentrified" and we were now priced out. There were also almost no options. Three different real estate agents took us to the same properties. Our boss visited twice, and we took him to the same properties. They weren't even good properties.

Early May we found a good spot in a bad location. Late May, we found the perfect spot but the landlord double-crossed us for someone who offered him more. Early June, we found the office. It wasn’t perfect. The location was passable, but all other options had dissipated and so we settled...like a tired shopper at Best Buy.

The last two weeks of June, we had to clean out old office. There was junk coming out of every cranny and corner. Every departing expat had left old furniture, kitchen wear, and chaos in piles. Filing cabinets hadn’t been cleaned out…ever…and we pulled out telegrams from 1984. We sorted through hundreds of books and DVDs, built piles of broken computer hardware to dump, and furniture that rats had eaten away. Part of this is organizational culture…never get rid of something because you may want/need it later. Part of it is an archaic emphasis on thriftiness; the ability to reuse anything for eternity. A final contributing factor was that our previous year without leadership had literally allowed things to pile up. For days, we continued to pile up trash and junk. We gave away unwanted junk to the national staff who wanted it, which turned out to be quite complicated, as we learned later.

Originally, I estimated that moving would take two days. It took a week. It didn't help that the people hired to wire internet and power took three times as long as expected, slowing everything down by multiple days while they drilled holes in the wall. We moved smaller pieces in a pick-up truck for three days ourselves, loading and unloading. On the fourth day, we hired a huge truck and several moto-taxi drivers to move the larger heavier pieces. They made three trips, and unloaded everything haphazardly into the yard of the new office. They moved the piles of junk I had designated as throw-away, and didn’t move other things I wanted moved. It was a disaster. We let them go by lunch time. However, going back to the old office, we realized they left they had left the 50+ potted plants on the third-floor veranda in the old office. This was the only point when I became angry. However, several of us went back and moved the plants by hand, down three flights of stairs and into the pick-up. No one was happy. 

This was the move. For weeks, we looked like red-necked hicks with junk and  furniture strewn everywhere. We strung up a tarp to house old furnisher and “junk” that no one knew what to do with (infuriating to me). It took weeks to organize the new place and we continued to throw things away.

I learned several key things in the move.

1.    I’m not in charge

2.    No one else is in charge.

3.    It’s futile to have a plan.

4.    It’s futile to explain the plan to anyone else

5.    Unless you are a tall male, you’re ignored

6.    Unless you speak Khmer, you’re ignored

7.    It’s almost impossible to get rid of junk.

8.    Cambodia is where all order comes to die.

Don’t ever move an office overseas. If you do, spend the weeks leading up to it developing your male-ness and your local language skills. Once you’ve done this, then wait for everything to fall apart. Something about living overseas mandates nothing go according to plan.

How to Visit Busara Falls

Level 1: Crowded yet lovely

When you watch Khmer music videos, Cambodia's finest glories are commonly and glorious featured. This includes shots to seafood, the the largest bridges in the country (albeit financed by China), a strange "modern" place known as "Diamond Island," rice fields, and often Cambodia's largest waterfall. (Apparently there is also a folk song about Cambodia's largest waterfall, but I don't speak Khmer so how would I know.)

Busara Falls (this is how I decide to spell it) is located in Mondlekiri Province. Mondlekiri is home to many waterfalls and not many people. It's also quite popular with Khmer tourists who are anxious to enjoy arguably Cambodia's most beautiful province. Mondlekiri and Busara are not common destinations for Western tourists given it's very remote location.

Level 1: Features swimming options

Busara Falls is about 43 kilometers from the capital town Sen Monorom. You can either rent a car or rent a moto to get out. A trip by moto is impossible during the rainy season, because there are two long stretches of dirt road. If you go in mid-May as I did this time around, a moto trip is a beautiful excursion and takes about an hour.

There are two levels of falls. The first is approximately 15 meters long and 20 meters high. This is easily accessible and extremely popular with Khmer tourists. Busara is located in a tight ravine, so the concentration of people in a small area feels suffocating. One should never go over a national holiday. I went over the King's Birthday and there were buses in the parking lot with hundreds of visitors.

Level 2: The Best One

Given that there are few safety regulations in this part of the world, you can also swim directing in the huge waterfall, which many people do! People enjoy swimming in the falls, BBQing and picnicking next to the falls, and dressing up in the traditional clothing of ethnic minorities and posing by the falls (ie. imagine paying to dress as a Native American and standing in front of Mount Rushmore, you get the picture). Cambodians in general truly love taking pictures and Busara is a prime destination for posing and flashing the bunny-ears fingers. Overall, it is a pleasure to see people taking joy in the beauty their country offers.

The ladder down to the second level

The second level is further down the river and hardly accessible. You have to drive over the top of the falls, trek through a "path" in the woods, climb several hundred feet down a ladder, and viola, you have found arguably one of the most perfectly beautiful spots in all of Cambodia. Few people make it this far, because it's truly nearly impossible. It's by far more beautiful than the first level, and is around 24 meters across and 20 meters high. This is a highly enjoyable experience as most people don't realize accessibility is an option, and even fewer would make the trip even if they did. It's a perfect place for a picnic and a lay in the sun.

While it's far away and in a remote corner of Cambodia, Busara certainly warrants a visit. However, please don't dress up as an ethnic minority. Just think of the humiliation if you ever ran for public office and those pictures surfaced.