How to Classify Stare Tactics

Recently Hilary Duff released a song titled "Dreamer" telling the saga of her personal stalker. "Don't you have better things to do with your life, then hang around and stare at me and complicate mine? Your eyes must burn so bad 'cuz you haven't blinked, you and me will never be if that's what you think." This had to reminded me of another inevitable factor of life overseas. You're stared at...constantly. When you don't fit in, you obviously warrant a few decreet looks. In certain cultures, you warrant a very open look. In others, your "other-ness" deserves X-ray vision stares. I have learned there are several different ways of being stared at.

The French Stare; The French are very clever, they've mastered the stare. I occasionally got the obvious three second run down from other girls who judged my hair down to my shoes (it's a global fashion hub, what else?). The French know how to get a good look at you in such a way that you don't know it. I knew I was being stared at through that strange sixth human sense, but they were masters at hiding it and moving on before you pinpointed who it was. The only exceptions are girls hanging off their boyfriends and want you to clearly understand they are somebody because they're with somebody. Response? Live you're life, just ignore it, you'll rarely pinpoint the person and it's not aggressive.

The African Stare; The African stare can be generally applied to the continent. After living in Kenya, Zimbabwe and Zambia (and visiting South Africa and Tanzania) I found stare tactics were more or less the same. People stare, openly and unashamed in curiosity. Sometimes it seems people fall alseep watching you. Infrequently you can even stare people down and they'll look away amused you were so obviously annoyed. Other times they'll plant their hands on their hips and follow you with your eyes as if you were a novelty. Response? Pretend you're either Posh or Becks, if you're treated like a star, pretend you are a star and play the part.

The American Stare; Like all good little American kids, I was educated in what was acceptable, "Don't stare! Don't point! It's rude!" However, when I got older I realized we stare, a little bit. We don't flat out gape because like our parent's taught us, it's rude. But we discretely cast eyes over our shoulders and get a good second look. Unlike other cultures, we bounce our eyes when we're finished as it's embarrassing to be caught staring. The acquisition of a second look is common, especially common in my dad's upstate New York hometown where everyone knows everyone and are quick to notice you're an oddball. Response? This staring is easily ignored and if you take it personally, it's wise not to leave the United States.

The Chinese Stare; During my encounter with China which spanned two years and began 10 years ago this summer, I was rudely thrown into the worse culture shock a child could discover. We were mobbed, people were so excited to see us but it was overwheming. My cheeks were pinched, my hair was pawed through, my nose was pulled, I was petted and cooed over along with my three siblings. Granted I was 9 years old but the Chinese have little idea of personal space and privacy and have no problem reaching out and touching you, even as an adult. It's very friendly, but not something Westerners will know how to stomach. We placed a sign on my baby brothers strollers saying in Chinese "Please don't touch my baby thank you," as if he were a zoo attraction. Response? Don't go outside, hibernate, learn the "off hours" or don't go.

So how does one deal with "dreamers?" Basically, learn to be an attraction. Don't be mean and unfriendly, and if it bothers you, don't go outside. You can try to blend in, you remain friendly and you remind yourself "Well I did move here so I guess I'm asking for it!"