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| Reflecting at one of the highest points in Phnom Penh |
Much of my time in Cambodia has been overshadowed
by a complete lack of control. I go to great lengths to explain something; clothes at the tailor, how a report should be written,
how exactly I want my house cleaned, and how I want a hamburger without mayo. Sometimes I get what I
want. Sometimes I don’t. This is how it goes.
Over the past three years, there has been a handful of times when I felt this most acutely. One of those times was planning this year’s peace conference. Helping plan a
conference is a challenging, but even more so cross-culturally. Cambodians
have a strong opinion about how certain things must be done. I find many of these expectations ridiculous, but this is how it's done and success requires complying.
- There must be a fancy invitations addressed to the
director of the organization you are inviting, and follow-up messages/invitations later on. Nothing may be
handwritten, and this includes the envelope.
- There must be a certificate, even for a short
workshop, which must have gold edges and must NOT be printed on just black
and white. There must be ONE official looking stamp, even if it’s from
Hogwarts, stamps matter, but only ONE.
- We must sit in a formal U-shaped conference setting.
- We must be provided free pens and a notebook.
- All games (including ice-breaker games) must have
prizes.
- There must be games.
- The facilitator must be dressed well. The
facilitator’s appearance reflects the importance of the content.
- The hotel room must have an abundance of amenities
(a conference in 2011 was ruined because the hotel did not provide
free toothbrushes).
- We must all be provided per diems for attending,
even if you are fairly middle-class.
For assistance with these odd social expectations,
you must work closely with Cambodian counterparts. For example, after
designing a colorful and modern looking certificate of participation, a
colleague was quick to tell me that it was “wrong.” Two hours wasted, I went
with the opulent cliché option, because that is how it’s done.
Cambodians are quick to complain; “my hotel room does not have a desk,” “my hotel room
doesn’t have a mini-fridge,” “the fried rice at the restaurant was too salty,” yes,
all this happened. There is a balance between trying to make people happy and
just having to let go. We are guests in Cambodia. I remind myself of this constantly and the importance of respectful compliance when possible.
The second part of my plan-let-go process
for this event was the content. I felt very passionate about the content and its relevance to our work. I spent days researching a perfect,
simple and engaging model to share. I drafted notes, summarized articles
and revised several frameworks.
Then I gave it to the Cambodian
facilitator. We went through the content, discussed it, answered questions, and
made additional modifications. Ultimately however, she presented this material in Khmer and I ultimately attended with no idea
whatsoever was being said. It went well! But there were pieces that I wish had
gone differently. This is all part of the planning and letting go.
There are things you can and cannot
control. There is preemptive risk mitigation. And for all the times I’ve worked
so hard to explain to my colleagues not to ask double-barreled questions in
surveys, they still occasionally asked double-barreled questions! There are moments when you push for
excellence and moments when you just have to let go. In some ways I’m a teacher and in
other ways I’m a student. You do your best, and then you step back, pray it
goes well, and let it happen.
