How to Lose At Settled

Once upon a time, I had an identity crisis. All through uni I battled inferiority. I met people who lived in the same town or same state their entire lives and I felt I was never as good as them. They had a home, their families lived in accessible locations, they had social networks geographically convenient, they went to the same high school all four years, and at the end of the day, they could go home and all their stuff would be there. I felt like an experience-rich homeless wanderer, reeking of insecurity.

It took me a while, but I accepted my wandering past and present. It's an inconvenient truth but nothing is really worth agonizing your life away over. No amount of upsetting thoughts or angry feelings were going to right the obvious. I have seen the world and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

And then came the post-college idea of being settled. Apparently people after uni are suppose to think about being settled. I have no idea what this means. What is settled? Who's idea was that? Yes marriage and children and mortgage and stability are all very nice but when does that stage of life really arrive, and why am I obligated to arrive there right now? When I look into the crystal ball of my future, I see...an MA...good times with my family...my road bike...oh wait, that's it.

I don't have a comprehensive position on settlement. Obviously I'm not but what bothers me is comparing ourselves against each other rather then using the objective scale of, "you live your life and find joy, and I'll live mine and find joy." Settled becomes a game. Who gets engaged or married first, who get the best job or title first, who gets an SUV (or "green car") first, who owns property first, who has kids first... Yet each person is so different and unique. Therefore creating a uniform "settled" is illogical. There's something to be said about making responsible choices and not bungee jumping and playing video games everyday. But each one of our lives is so full of different opportunities and passions. This demands varying life choices.

If being settled involves playing the settled game, well I can't play. I'm a nomad, and living nomadically brings me joy. If I live to be around 80, I've got 3/4ths to go. Does anyone have any idea of how much poverty can be alleviated in that period, or how many ecosystems and natural resources will be destroyed, how many needless wars and conflict will occur in 60 years? I can't fix the world but because I care, I might spend decades working on pieces of problems. If that involves traveling the earth and living out opportunities and passions, I should then.

I'll always value plugging deep into a community for decades and wish I had that. But I won't feel inferior for choosing mobility. I'm a Gen Y Millennial. We like iPhones. We move a lot. We want our jobs to be fulfilling. We postpone traditional life stages. We crave to be authentic and different. And the economic downturn overturned any opportunity for us to be "settled," in the classic sense.

Maybe I say all of this to comfort myself. We're not all called to be nomads. We're not all good at being nomads. Not all of us have the courage to be nomads. Not all of us had nomadic opportunities dropped in our laps. But if that's your gift, if that's what you're good at, if it's what you'd love, you're crazy not to use it. If I have to be settled at all, I'm settled in the comfortable knowledge that I am valued, and that won't change even if I move everyday for the next 60 years.