You'd think with three retreats in a year I'd be an extremely rested (possible educated) person. However, this is not consistently the case. I find retreats a mixture of culturally enlightening and mildly awkward. There is also insistence that I join, and so I do. I enjoy myself, but I am always the observer because during the speeches and sharing times, the educational sessions and the praise and worship choruses (both my partners are faith-based), I need translation which means I'll never truly be one of the pack. I'm the observer, albeit welcomed and included as much as possible. This is quite fair. These events are not designed for me, they are for my partners. I am privileged to be there, and I never forget this. (However, there is always some surprise that I'm not high maintenance and I eat Khmer food).
I went down with Clear to Kampong Som several weeks ago. There were 72 of us, mostly male (I commented on this), and we stayed at a swanky new boutique hotel. The retreat consisted of the classic elements; sitting in the shade at the beach, swimming fully clothed, eating seafood on the beach, planning and review sessions, and a capacity-building session.
There were some highly entertaining moments for me. At the end of the day, these are my favorite parts of any retreat. Clear did not let me down.
- We sat in the shade, under the trees on the beach, hiding from the sun. I was complemented for avoiding the sun.
- When the staff sang their praise and worship songs, they danced Khmer style around a table with flowers on it, just like out of a Khmer music video. (They also used the keyboard as a one-man band, Khmer style.)
- When the different provincial teams stood up to introduce themselves in the first session, they announced who was the fattest in the team.
- I never eat enough, ever, and I'm often told this. Seriously, 10 shrimp isn't enough.
- The first night I didn't have a roommate. She went to stay with her family in town. Two staff apologized profusely, because they were worried I would be upset all alone by myself. (Ironically, I felt horribly guilty they put me in a room by myself.) My roommate returned the second night, and they Khmer staff were happy for me.
- The second night we went to a beautiful beach-side restaurant, arriving at the same time as the most stunning sunset. However, the staff wanted to take their pictures in front of a new bridge going to an island being developed as a high-end gambling resort. The sunset was of no interest. Several people insisted I take my picture in front of said bridge, so I relented. (Fun fact! The developer of this project is a Russian pedophile convicted in Cambodia and Russia who is building this despite the fact that he's in prison. His prison arrangement allows him to leave at night...long-running scandal)
- We had a donor rep from Canada arrive the last day. Several of the managers kept insisting that I sit with him, because he was a donor and they were all too scared to sit with him. The hierarchical Cambodian society dictates odd ideas of who's allowed to sit and speak to others, and the vast majority of staff refused to interact with him. They meant to be respectful. However, ironically, to my Western sensibilities, I thought it was rude because they were ignoring him completely. I spent a great deal of time afterwards analyzing their interactions with me, because though I'm not a donor, I'm seen as someone/something different from them. In this case, I do think my age and gender work in my favor.
Retreats will go done in the history book of my time in Cambodia as odd cultural experiences. But I value them, even though much of the time daydreaming about random things [cost of Coke, nature vs. nurture, and why Chris Brown has a Grammy and Florence and the Machine doesn't which is totally unjust...] while smiling politely in long Khmer sessions while they go over their staff policy. It's just part of the game.
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